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Author Topic: 101 Things you didn't know about The Beach Boys...  (Read 15421 times)
hypehat
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« on: June 19, 2010, 04:11:51 PM »

....that just happen not to be true  Wink 2

1) Despite his rampant ecological views and championing of the Californian landscape in speech, lifestyle and song, Al Jardine thinks vegetarians are 'cissies' and had been known to go steak for steak against Brian in local restaurants during the 'Brian's Back' campaign.

2) Whilst it is commonly known that Dennis was the most favoured amongst the groups female following, Bruce also had rather a lot of 'Fun Fun Fun' on tour, with longserving members of the bands roadcrew and team affectionately referring to him as 'Bruce Dongston' to this day.

3) Brian Wilson was 3rd in line at the Downtown LA Apple store to get his iPad at midnight, April 30th, 2010. He bought two - The other being for Darian, who Brian had called during a weaker moment in the lengthy queue to get him a cheeseburger.

4) Years of transcendental meditation have not managed to give Mike Love the gift of levitation, which should be no surprise. However, he has picked up other skills through the practice, such as a mastery of the Euphonium, the ability to recite 'Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom' in it's entirety (including score, start and end credits, and all foreign languages with perfect diction), and a Houdini-esque skill to take any punch to the face and remain standing and unscathed.

5) Carl might not have been the most svelte Beach Boy, but his prowess at arm-wrestling was so sublime that Capitol Records issued an internal memo in 1964 stating that no member of the touring group was to challenge him from three weeks before the start of any tour or television appearance, lest the physical and emotional damage render them unable to perform for the crowds.

Got any more?
« Last Edit: June 21, 2010, 01:34:25 AM by hypehat » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2010, 04:14:53 PM »

....that just happen not to be true  Wink 2

1) Despite his rampant ecological views and championing of the Californian landscape in speech, lifestyle and song, Al Jardine thinks vegetarians are 'cissies' and had been known to go steak for steak against Brian in local restaurants during the 'Brian's Back' campaign.

2) Whilst it is commonly known that Dennis was the most favoured amongst the groups female following, Bruce also had rather a lot of 'Fun Fun Fun' on tour, with longserving members of the bands roadcrew and team affectionately referring to him as 'Bruce Dongston' to this day.

3) Brian Wilson was 3rd in line at the Downtown LA Apple store to get his iPad at midnight, April 30th, 2010. He bought two - The other being for Darian, who Brian had called during a weaker moment in the lengthy queue to get him a cheeseburger.

4) Years of transcendental meditation have not managed to give Mike Love the gift of meditation, which should be no surprise. However, he has picked up other skills through the practice, such as a mastery of the Euphonium, the ability to recite 'Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom' in it's entirety (including score, start and end credits, and all foreign languages with perfect diction), and a Houdini-esque skill to take any punch to the face and remain standing and unscathed.

5) Carl might not have been the most svelte Beach Boy, but his prowess at arm-wrestling was so sublime that Capitol Records issued an internal memo in 1964 stating that no member of the touring group was to challenge him from three weeks before the start of any tour or television appearance, lest the physical and emotional damage render them unable to perform for the crowds.

Got any more?


If this was Facebook, there'd be a "Like" button!
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« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2010, 04:31:43 PM »

6) Mike Love isn't actually bald - he's just been shaving his head at the first sight of hair since he was 18. He then donates said hair to UNICEF.

7) Al Jardine, on the other hand, just takes his hair and secretly grinds it into Brian's steaks. His hair happens to taste just like garlic salt, so Brian doesn't notice.

Cool They say the nose on the Great Sphinx of Giza was broken, when in reality, the sphinx's nose was just attached to Eugene Landy's face the whole time.

9) Turkey overpopulation in California was singlehandedly stabilized every Thanksgiving by one Carl Wilson.

10) Murry Wilson wasn't entirely honest on Audrey; he secretly had in affair on her with a monkey somewhere in 1942. The result was Al Jardine.
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« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2010, 08:25:15 PM »

11) Just happened today! Mike Love crashes Brians 68th birthday party with a gift, card and flowers. All going well until Mike pulls out a contract committing Brian to 150 concerts with his Beach Boys in 2011 to celebrate 50 years. Melinda answers for Brian and Mike now singing Falsetto for the rest of 2010.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2010, 08:27:50 PM by TheOther Anonymous » Logged
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« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2010, 03:28:55 AM »

12) Brian Wilson, as we know, is a man of simple tastes when it comes to cinema. As part of an effort on the tourbus to open Brian's mind to finer things which he would otherwise not expose himself to, Darian, Scott and Probyn have taken to swapping the sleeves of classic dvds with other, more lowbrow efforts. Hence, when asked to elaborate on his famous quote that his favourite film was Norbit, Brian stated that he 'loved the bit where Clint Eastwood nearly hung 'The Ugly' at the end but then shot the rope at the last second'. He also went to claim that his second favourite was Herbie: Fully Loaded, because he 'adores Marlon Brando'.

13) Probyn Gregory's best friend is actually called Gregory. The pair have not noticed the apparent innuendo, much to Jeff Foskett's embarrassment during rehearsals for Brian's first tour.
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
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« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2010, 05:31:02 PM »

14) Various musical institutions are currently performing research on Murry Wilson's sperm samples in order to figure out what part of them produced the three most beautiful voices in history.

15) Give Mike Love a wire hanger, and he'll strangle a prostitute. Give Al Jardine a wire hanger, and he'll gently poke a prostitute and giggle.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2010, 07:51:58 PM by Don_Zabu » Logged
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« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2010, 08:10:53 PM »

16) Three out of four Beach Boys fans would like to see Mike Love wearing a Turban again. (May be true!)

17) Unsold copies of GIOMH are being shipped to the Gulf of Mexico by BP as we speak.

18) Mikes Hall of Fame speach written by George Bush before he stopped drinking.

19) Al and Mikes album's to be released (insert year here).



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« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2010, 09:45:53 PM »


15) Give Mike Love a wire hanger, and he'll strangle a prostitute. Give Al Jardine a wire hanger, and he'll gently poke a prostitute and giggle.

MARK PRINDLE!!!!!111
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« Reply #8 on: June 21, 2010, 01:47:42 AM »

Wouldn't it be nice if, when this thread runs it's course, I'll remove the 'that may not be true' bit from the first post and leave as a secret treasure trove of 'facts' for future generations  Grin

20) Beach Boys fans have wondered over the years just why Bruce Johnston has stuck with Mike Love in the touring incarnation of the group, despite continually singing the praises of Brian's more outre work. When posed this question in 2007, Johnston became subdued, his brow furrowed, and his eyes glazed over. The only words he spoke for the three subsequent minutes was 'the hats'. A similar effect has been noted in Nancy Reagan. According to The Lancet, the only way to snap a person out of this trance is present large quantities of money in plain sight of the patient.
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
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« Reply #9 on: June 21, 2010, 04:52:12 AM »

21. Armed robberies in the UK are commonly carried out by gangs wearing smiling Bruce Johnston masks.

22. Mike Love's surname is actually very, very appropriate for the man.

23. Al Jardine, in an attempt to outdo Brian's Radiant Radish store, opened up the Ecological Cucumber in which he frequently served customers wearing only his underpants and with a billiard ball strapped to his mouth.

24. As a punishment, Murray Wilson used to make the boys stare into his empty elbow socket.

25. A posse of surf nazis forced Al Jardine at gunpoint to rewrite 'Lady Linda' as the gospel-tinged 'Lordy, Landy!'.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2010, 04:53:45 AM by willy » Logged

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« Reply #10 on: June 21, 2010, 06:22:00 AM »

26. Mike Love was arrested around 1966 in a drug store where he'd been pouring the contents of a bottle of hair restorer over his genitals and becoming sexually aroused in front of other customers. He was charged but the judge let him off lightly, with a suspended sentence and a warning never again to "foda with the formula".

27. Mike Love was arrested around 1967 in a Middle Eastern country (which will remain nameless, in the interests of national security) where he'd been caught in a compromising position with a group of gay clerics. He was charged but the judge let him off lightly, with a suspended sentence and a warning never again to "foda with the four mullahs".
« Last Edit: June 21, 2010, 06:28:32 AM by Wee Helper » Logged

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« Reply #11 on: June 21, 2010, 07:06:49 AM »

Outstanding work, gentlemen.

28) A short and incomplete list of people Al Jardine has, or had, a unique secret handshake with : Bill Clinton, Lou Reed, David Marks, Nelson Mandela, Cristiano Ronaldo, Saddam Hussein, Kanye West, Ringo Starr, and the entire front bench of the Lib-Con Coalition.
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
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« Reply #12 on: June 21, 2010, 09:57:21 AM »

26. Mike Love was arrested around 1966 in a drug store where he'd been pouring the contents of a bottle of hair restorer over his genitals and becoming sexually aroused in front of other customers. He was charged but the judge let him off lightly, with a suspended sentence and a warning never again to "foda with the formula".

27. Mike Love was arrested around 1967 in a Middle Eastern country (which will remain nameless, in the interests of national security) where he'd been caught in a compromising position with a group of gay clerics. He was charged but the judge let him off lightly, with a suspended sentence and a warning never again to "foda with the four mullahs".
[/b]

no. 27 is pure brilliance!
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« Reply #13 on: June 25, 2010, 09:39:14 AM »

29) According to a recent press release, Al Jardine can raise the dead  Grin
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
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« Reply #14 on: June 25, 2010, 11:49:15 AM »

30 Dennis's codename for when a comely young fan got down on her knees for him was a "Bruce Johnston".

31 Mike has that rare upside face syndrome that Jake Tucker in Family Guy suffers from, making him not actually bald - that beard's really his head hair.

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« Reply #15 on: June 25, 2010, 06:44:39 PM »

32) Technicians have discovered a direct link between ss.net connection issues, solar storms on the sun, volcanic ash over Europe and Mike Love
       removing his hat outdoors.

33) AGD has hinted there are 102 things we don't know about the Beach Boys. However he won't say what No 102 is, or his source.

34) Previous scenes of Brians 'hold my nose' joke show an off camera Bruce Johnston saying 'pull my finger'.

35) Due to a build up of pressure and stress caused by watching the NBA finals and the Football World Cup back to back, No 35 has been abandoned.
      Some have said it has been destroyed but parts may appear in future facts. It is hoped a complete release may be achieved in 2047.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2010, 07:53:41 PM by TheOther Anonymous » Logged
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« Reply #16 on: June 25, 2010, 06:50:43 PM »

36) In 1971, Banana sued for credit for his notable cameo at the end of Pet Sounds.  The case was thrown out of court on account of the fact that Banana is, after all, a dog. 
Louie had also filed suit, but successfully settled out of court for an undisclosed amount of squeak toys and belly rubs.
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« Reply #17 on: June 25, 2010, 08:53:40 PM »

37) Brian and Melinda keep on adopting dogs mostly because Melinda keeps eating them.

38) As for the adopted children, Melinda does that because she's rearing an army that will one day storm the offices of A&M records to take back all the songs that Murry swindled out of Brian.
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« Reply #18 on: June 26, 2010, 11:31:10 AM »

38. The real Brian Wilson died in 1966. He was replaced by a man named Billy Knorr (hope someone gets that part  Tongue)

39. If you play Pet Sounds backwards, you can heard an avant garde piece by Brian called "the menagerie" which includes animals like the lion, the bird, and the Murry.
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« Reply #19 on: June 26, 2010, 03:40:19 PM »

40. If you play Busy Doing Nothing backwards, you get directions to Van Dyke Park's house.
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
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« Reply #20 on: June 28, 2010, 08:39:18 AM »

41. Brian still sneaks a hit of Reddi Wip every now and then.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2010, 08:40:41 AM by buddhahat » Logged

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« Reply #21 on: June 28, 2010, 08:57:19 AM »

42. Brian Wilson is an agent for the Illuminati, and with their help he channeled satanic forces to write hits like "Fun, Fun, Fun" and "California Girls" to program the masses to reject God with tales of carnal lust and adolescent disobedience.
43. "Roller Skating Child" was an autobiographical account of a relationship Brian was having in 1977.
44. Mike Love actually liked the lyrics to "Cabinessence". When he asked Van Dyke what the line "over and over..." meant, his excitement was mistaken for anger by the overly sensitive Van Dyke. Love was so offended by this accusation that he lost enthusiasm for the SMiLE project. Mike has long been a supporter of art music, from the word images of "Big Sur" to the revolutionary Oriental pop of "Sumahama", which Mike wrote in anger at the band following the formula with songs like "Good Timin'".
45. In the late 60s, Brian and Carl had legendary hamburger eating contests at Brian's house. They would smoke hash and then eat burgers until someone threw up.
46. Dennis suffered from erectile dysfunction throughout the 70s. The only remedy that worked was a daily teaspoon of crushed deer antler that he got from a Chinatown health shore in San Francisco.
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« Reply #22 on: June 29, 2010, 07:22:44 AM »

47) Brian Wilson, Syd Barret and Roky Erickson were room mates in the early 70s. The result was they all shared the same night mare
and it appeared on video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwHHgDaR72I
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"Over the years, I've been accused of not supporting our new music from this era (67-73) and just wanting to play our hits. That's complete b.s......I was also, as the front man, the one promoting these songs onstage and have the scars to show for it."
Mike Love autobiography (pg 242-243)
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« Reply #23 on: June 29, 2010, 11:31:01 AM »

48) Other Mike Love albums that have been rejected by major record labels include;

  • All You Need Is Love
  • All's Fair In Love and War
  • Let's Mike Love
  • Crazy In Love
  • Michel Amor (A Spanish Language album)
  • Can't Help Falling In Love
  • Love Hangover
  • Bleeding Love (A punk rock project in the late 70's)
  • Where Is The Love? (an album comprised of instrumental takes from earlier records)
  • Soldier of Love (A charity album to support the troops during the Gulf War)
  • Love is my Drug
  • Is This Love?
  • Crazy Little Thing Called Love
  • Love Gun
  • Love Story (A concept album with an original script written by Love himself)
  • Sea Of Love (A collection of sea shanties)
  • Love In This Club (Remixes)
  • That's How Strong My Love Is (Comes with bonus work-out DVD)
  • The Book of Love (Mike Love reads his favourite passages from The Bible)
  • Words Of Love (Mike Love reads his favourite poems)
  • I Believe In A Thing Called Love (Mike Love sings gospel music with slightly too much conviction)
« Last Edit: June 29, 2010, 02:59:31 PM by hypehat » Logged

All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
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« Reply #24 on: June 29, 2010, 12:41:22 PM »

49) Mike Love has an evil twin sister named Kim Hate, who runs an orphanage and charity in Santa Monica.

50) It's said that if you stack every Beach Boys song ever recorded on top of each other in Audacity, you can hear the voice of God...buried somewhere in a mass of incomprehensible noise.
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