The Many Moods of Al Jardine

[Hank Briarstem]

Not to mention "The Big Cheese," Denny's nickname for Al.

[Mike's Beard]

Any news on how Al's peanut M&Ms addiction is coming along? It's very gracious of Mike not to bring this delicate matter up in every interview.

[Pretty Funky]

Wasn't that put to bed in the early 90s with the controversial Dr Eueat Candy treating him? Saved Al's teeth although the side effects continue to this day.

[Please delete my account]

Such silliness for (presumably) adults.

Amazed that there are actually SEVERAL people that would spend time doing "this" rather than simply looking at porn.

Watch your tone.

He knows more about Alan's dairy herd husbandry than you can ever, ever, EVER fathom.

[Komera]

Y'know, it took going through a lot of connections, and cost me an arm and a leg... but I finally got a taste of Al's butter.  It was the taste version of listening to wind chimes.

[Pretty Funky]

Admin....surely thats against board rules? Like bootlegs and stuff.

[rogerlancelot]

I for one would be delighted to sample some of Al Jardine's home-cheese. Tonight, however, my farts smell like Cap'n Crunch.

[Cam Mott]

Wasn't that put to bed in the early 90s with the controversial Dr Eueat Candy treating him?

Probably.

[Hank Briarstem]

As many of you are deeply aware, save those who are blithely unconcerned, I must be quite cautious in discussing peanuts and the many problems they've caused Al. I will only say, we should all be grateful to his wonderful family for understanding what needed to be done. Thank goodness, too, Al has no issues with other nuts. His cashew butter is sublime!

There is probably no need to rehash the controversies regarding Al's treatment and why Lemon Pledge was employed. Clearly it was the wrong thing to do, though his furniture benefited.

[Cyncie]

Clearly it was the wrong thing to do, though his furniture benefited.

By "clearly" I'm sure you mean "probably."

[Hank Briarstem]

Yes. I am honest enough to admit there is room for doubt. In another matter, I seem to have losty slippers.

[Cam Mott]

Mea Culpa. Which, coincidently, was Mike's nickname for his fourth wife.

I didn't intend for my recent criticism of (quote fingers) Dr. (close quote fingers) Candy and his (quote fingers) therapy (close quote fingers) as an endorsement or justification. My contempt for Candy and his (quote fingers) Lemon Pledge (close quote fingers) regime is a matter of public record plus I have scrawled it above the urinals in several Howard Johnson's around the world.

I personally prefer an Old English Red Oil Polish for my hard wood, but I digress. Anyway, it is well known that these days Al is in good hands with his Unsalted Butter (quote fingers) churn (close quote fingers).

[D Cunningham]

Cam, I don't think you need apologize. This board, if nothing else, is meant to allow an expansive
rhetoric.  (I'm thinking of the example of the hermeneutics of Mr. Loaf as he has boosted jazz and
questioned a couple of songs on Summer In Paradise).  The problem, of course, is when the board's
automatic editor changes our phrases ( "dinky to behold" becoming "hard wood").  Is such censorship
necessary?  Perhaps it depends on the clientele.

[Cam Mott]

Point taken old friend.

Also, furca you and the horse you rode in on.

Ah, I see what you mean.

[Hank Briarstem]

I feel I must expand a bit on my prior comments, though why I have no idea -- I would much prefer to be enjoying my daily high colonic. That the Lemon Pledge permanently damaged Al is so obvious only the most obtuse of us would be oblivious -- and I should know this better than anyone giving the exquisite level of my obtuseness. Cam, you need apologize to no one other than to the maid for whom you left a massive mess. Your remarks on Al's "medical" treatment -- published I believe at Cabinessence under the pseudonym "Pseudonym" -- are an important addition to Beach Boys scholarship, theology and macrobiotics. Indeed there are some who attribute your scathing, no holds barred criticism of Candy to being a key element in bringing the rascal to justice -- if "justice" is a 12-bedroom ranch home in Belize. Your knowledge of furniture polish is unparalleled, as is your knowledge of Indian mysticism. I am frankly in awe. That you blatantly courted my fourth wife while I was on holiday in Grand Rapids is a matter of record, but I've forgiven you. I have not, however, forgiven Grand Rapids. I expected more.

Cunningham alludes cleverly to Summer in Paradise -- he could have said so much more. It pains one to realize what Al could have accomplished with this album if not for the impact of Candy. Had Candy merely chosen Old English Red, the history of the band could be so much different -- probably it would have. Clever of Cunningham to include in his post the title of the song that might have changed everything we think about SiP -- "Hermeneutics." Its vast scope, its two chord changes, its obscure yet moving lyrics -- clearly a nod to Milton -- would have stood in stark contrast to "Still Surfin'." And yet the summer theme holds -- splendid work. I recall Dennis Wilson saying of Al -- "He's moved beyond butter and is creating something just as great, though not in the dairy field."

Of course, the Lemon Pledge did its worst, and we all are excruciatingly aware of the bagel incident. In any case, you were correct about Candy then, and your feelings now are beyond reproach, though not beyond reproach.

[Pretty Funky]

Also, furca you and the horse you rode in on.

Cam. While I appreciate you know your Edam from your Cheddar, why is it every thread you are involved in denigrates into  "Butteristas' verses the"Goudamoists" ?

[Cam Mott]

Also, furca you and the horse you rode in on.

Cam. While I appreciate you know your Edam from your Cheddar, why is it every thread you are involved in denigrates into  "Butteristas' verses the"Goudamoists" ?

Because of David Leaf's trope of Al and the Five Lactose Intolerant Assholes.  Which may not seem to make sense, at first, but later never you mind about that.

[Hank Briarstem]

While I find myself somewhat distrustful of Leaf -- why change your name from Bark to Leaf merely because you think the latter sounds more "artistic"? -- you raise a delicate if indelicate point.

That Leaf has an "agenda" regarding Al is clear, though is it because of artistic ambition, money or perhaps a bid to acquire fresh butter at substantially discounted prices?

I am vexed. I also am short on this month's rent, but that isn't unusual.

I have my doubts that Brian is truly lactose intolerant, but in interviews he has been vague on the subject. If he is, it is a recent development as nobody scarfed more of Al's butter.

Commercial instincts could prompt Mike and Bruce to feign lactose intolerance, and who am I to judge? I once feigned a heart attack rather than see the Widow Moses for Sunday brunch.

If Leaf thinks the gimmick and new name are marketable, perhaps he is right. But I have my doubts. Recall that he tried to convince Brian to wear a Groucho Marx mustache and glasses during the taping of the tribute at Radio City. Thank goodness Paul Simon intervened, probably.

Melinda has said unequivocally that Brian sees no prospect of a reunion unless Al is front and center. She lives for his butter.

Somewhere in here is an answer, though I can't recall the question. I see that Gunsmoke is on! Ah that Festus!

[Cyncie]

Recall that he tried to convince Brian to wear a Groucho Marx mustache and glasses during the taping of the tribute at Radio City. Thank goodness Paul Simon intervened, probably.

Was it Paul Simon who suggested that Zeppo Wilson wear the goatee and beret? Or was that Randy Newman?

[Hank Briarstem]

Zeppo says it was Paul. Observers say it was Newman. Elton claims he made the suggestion. Before the event, Leaf (Bark) was seen in deep conversation with Billy Joel. The mind blunders, but that is nothing new for me.

[Pretty Funky]

I personally prefer an Old English Red Oil Polish for my hard wood, but I digress.

I think Lennon used the same when he polished his Norwegian Wood.

[Hank Briarstem]

Indeed he did, as Yoko has attested, occasionally without giggling.

[wilsonart1]

Some kind of butter! probably, likely, realistically a possible possibility and you can hold me to that.  Thanks Brain for your thoughts.

[Cam Mott]

I personally prefer an Old English Red Oil Polish for my hard wood, but I digress.

I think Lennon used the same when he polished his Norwegian Wood.

I'm pretty sure Dennis revealed to Hank that he used Old English Red Oil Polish on his Woody. I doubt he had to polish it much.

[Hank Briarstem]

I would defy anyone to find a more consistently well-polished Woody. While Denny did indeed use Old English Red, I believe that was only because he had heard that Keith Moon used the same, though that could be a fiction. An old man struggles with facts.