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Buckethead
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« Reply #300 on: July 02, 2018, 07:11:00 PM »

I've never had an invitation disallowing pictures.  What are these people afraid of? That their living room wall color might show up a bit too beige on Facebook? Seems odd unless someone is in the Witness Protection Program!
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« Reply #301 on: July 02, 2018, 09:20:59 PM »

I like accessible easygoing people who, when I'm invited, say "Be like home". F.ex. chocolate is favorite food, I've got habit to seek chocolate in people's fridges/ freezers. & I usually check photo albums when I see it. Good host will allow to take it to look at pictures. But at least it would be fair if they didn't allow to do those things. In chocolate case, if they've big fam with lotta kids, it'll make sense that they don't give it to guest. In photo album case, there could be embarrassing/ super ugly pics everybody would be hesitant to show.

But what's the point to disallow taking pics? There'd be no skin off them. Even in fashion shops you can take pics, nobody says "Don't! This is top secret!". But here we talk about just plain houses with people living there & they don't allow. What's this snobbery for?
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« Reply #302 on: July 03, 2018, 03:30:39 PM »

Why on earth would you go through another person's refrigerator, or randomly take pictures inside their house??? That is not normal acceptable behavior.
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« Reply #303 on: July 03, 2018, 04:05:10 PM »

I took RRA1's post to mean that it is normal for people to take pictures at gatherings, in people's homes and otherwise, and parts of the house would typically be in the frames. While I would not on my own seek out treats in a host's refrigerator, I do tell guests that I hope that they will help themselves. This includes stuff in the fridge, looking through photo albums I have out, etc.

A huge pet peeve I have is when people tell you something upsetting about an unkind/thoughtless/selfish/ridiculous family member. When you use precious emotional energy to listen carefully and express empathy for what the sharer is feeling, they start defending the person or otherwise getting indignant and lambasting you as if you have initiated he whole thing. Another reaction is to point out the behavioral/personality flaws of my own loved ones. This has happened with several acquaintances, after which I remain silent the next time the baiting begins.

Pet Peeve #2: When people make it a point to say, "In MY family we..." then describe things that healthy families do - have traditions, take care of their children, eat dinner together when possible, etc. This confused me for years, as my inference was that other families, and mine in particular, don't do these things because we don't see fit to randomly announce it. Only recently have i come to understand that these utterances were really attempts for the insecure speaker to convince him/herself and others that the family was somewhat healthy and normal. Me? I come from a family like most others, wonderful in many ways, dysfunctional in others, but it never occurred to (mis?)represent my loved ones  and our relationships one way or another for effect.   
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« Reply #304 on: July 03, 2018, 08:03:10 PM »

Me personally I wouldn't like someone going in my fridge without my permission, especially when it comes to taking pictures!
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« Reply #305 on: July 03, 2018, 08:53:55 PM »

I took RRA1's post to mean that it is normal for people to take pictures at gatherings, in people's homes and otherwise, and parts of the house would typically be in the frames. While I would not on my own seek out treats in a host's refrigerator, I do tell guests that I hope that they will help themselves. This includes stuff in the fridge, looking through photo albums I have out, etc.
It's normality here to take pics/ look inside fridge. Face it, it's normal in the U.S. as well. In U.S. films, when there's guests gathered in smb.'s house, they do what they like to - look around the house, move about, take various things, knick-knack from shelf & touch it, go to kitchen, pour some drink/ grab some bite. I didn't see anybody there that would ask permission. Smb. tell the difference between what they do & I do.
I'm really into various house design, I collect the house interior ideas by taking pictures, it's fascinating. It shouldn't be big deal, yes? But ofc, if people here wish to lecture that it's bad thing & everybody in the U.S. is very nice & stands/ sits like robot when being guest, they're welcome to lecture.
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« Reply #306 on: July 03, 2018, 09:18:24 PM »

Depends. For me, if I am a guest and I would want a drink of water or pop, I'd ask before I go into their fridge. I certainly wouldn't start taking pictures of it without asking! But, that's me...I notice common courtesy has pretty much gone out the window in this day and age (proof- see how people act on the highways) so I may be an oddity these days
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« Reply #307 on: July 03, 2018, 09:46:06 PM »

It's most definitely not acceptable behavior in the USA.
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« Reply #308 on: July 03, 2018, 10:03:07 PM »

2Billy: You'd ask before doing such trifle as taking pics & looking in the fridge? Fail to see what's discourteous about it. People acting in the highways is indeed big deal/ issue. But not what we talked about the past few posts.
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« Reply #309 on: July 03, 2018, 11:05:03 PM »

2Billy: You'd ask before doing such trifle as taking pics & looking in the fridge? Fail to see what's discourteous about it. People acting in the highways is indeed big deal/ issue. But not what we talked about the past few posts.

Definitely before taking pictures. Of course it depends on how well you know the person, but many do consider it rude. As far as going through someone else’s fridge, it is considered to be bad manners at the very best a majority of the time (overstepping one’s boundaries) although that doesn’t apply for roommates and during parties as far as looking goes...taking stuff from someone’s fridge without asking though, is a big no no.

I do want to say that I misread the post and thought it was referring to taking pictures of the stuff inside someone’s fridge!
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« Reply #310 on: July 04, 2018, 03:42:57 AM »

I would never snoop around someone's house and would never help myself to items in the refrigerator without asking first. If a door is closed to a room that's telling me that the people at that place don't want anyone to go in there.
This might not be such a problem nowadays as newer bathrooms might not have medicine cabinets (a cabinet with a mirror over the bathroom sink where medicines, toothpaste and other toiletries are stored). Some people would get annoyed with guests snooping and opening the cabinet, so they booby trapped the cabinet. If someone opened the cabinet, loads of ping pong balls would fall out, causing a racket and embarrassing the guest!
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« Reply #311 on: July 04, 2018, 04:28:35 AM »

2NOLA BBF: Did I say ANYthing about snooping around house? What you're even talking about? I said just 2 things - looking into fridge & checking photographs in photo album. What you talk about is not what I said. Who you reply to? I hate when people misread what I say & turn it into sth. bigger than it is.

Obviously-clearly, nobody would think about opening the door to the closed room. That's, like, every fool knows.

Can't believe that many of you seemed to not get what I said. Do I speak English so badly that you read sth. else in everything I say?
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« Reply #312 on: July 04, 2018, 05:56:19 AM »

Sorry to misunderstand you. You said in an earlier post that it's normal here for guests to move around the house, take things off the shelves to look at them etc.
Sorry again.
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« Reply #313 on: July 04, 2018, 07:27:53 AM »

I'd seen guests do it in U.S. films which I stated in the post very clearly. If what they show Americans do in American films isn't real picture of real American lifestyle, etiquette, habits, courtesy definition etc., it's the films' fault, not mine.

I replied here the next pet peeve, as thread title says. It should be respected, not condemned. I'm within rights of this thread's premise. & I'll post here again when I like to. We'll agree to disagree about the fridge-looking & picture taking. To me, it's trifle which is silly to even ask permission. The way I see it, I stand by it.
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« Reply #314 on: July 04, 2018, 07:56:55 AM »

You definitely should not consider what you see in American films to be an accurate portrayal of American life. Regardless of all the comments about the behavior itself--which would be considered at least slightly rude in my experience, as well--you should not conflate films with real American life or you'll be misled.
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« Reply #315 on: July 04, 2018, 10:11:57 AM »

The Captain - I do second your point about American Films, or TV shows, for that matter. I recently read an article by young American woman
living in China who, along with her peers, struggles with the impression that the show Friends gives young Chinese males of female sexual behavior in the US. I've had more than a few conversations with people in many parts of the world who, based on movies, believe that all Americans are very comfortable, if not rich. And let's not forget the impression many have of California. While I find much that is beautiful about it, the reality is that
many aspects of it do not square with the myth. Perhaps my favorite example of "knowledge by acetate" involves a school friend of my sons. He came here from South Korea for secondary school because his American-born mother feared the effect that the pressures on student in his own country might have on him. Reared on Mississippi Burning and other movies focusing (rightfully) on racism in America, he was shocked at the degree to which different races and ethnicities lived in harmony. While he was upset at the one racist remark he had to deal with, he shared that
South Korean society, as well as that of Japan (where he had spent some time) was much more xenophobic and less open to a "melting pot," or even a stew. 
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« Reply #316 on: July 04, 2018, 11:00:23 AM »

I could not agree more. All arts, even if intended to be honest, are always through some lens that is either an intentional fiction (like 99% of all movies and TV) or a documentary, which still tends to be intended to show a perspective, or even if not, does so anyway.

Even nonfiction is fiction to some extent. If your concept of anywhere comes from fiction, you need to keep a very low degree of confidence in the accuracy of your concept.
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« Reply #317 on: July 05, 2018, 02:12:41 PM »

True. Even highly accurate documentaries and non-fiction works necessarily focus on a slice of reality. I once taught a unit on the Quakers in Pennsylvania.  The kids were impressed on their emphasis on freedom of conscience, equality, pacifism, respect for women, abolition, etc. Yet there was not sufficient time to explain that, on the other hand, people were "read out of meeting," (kicked out) for marrying non-Quakers, William Penn owned slaves who built his estate on the banks of the Delaware River, and a Quaker was kicked out of many Meetings for making dramatic speeches condemning them for owning slaves or benefiting from their labor.  Additionally, many husbands failed to pitch in at home when their wives took advantage of opportunities to be leaders at their Meetings, Betsy Ross and her husband were "Fighting Quakers" who supported the American Revolution, and more than a few Friends Quakers opposed the Abolition Movement per se because they thought  that it would promote armed conflict.
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« Reply #318 on: July 05, 2018, 04:47:42 PM »

And let's not forget the impression many have of California. While I find much that is beautiful about it, the reality is that
many aspects of it do not square with the myth. 
I see this tendency with people living in the States that everybody's super-loyal towards their home state. F.ex. New Yorker says New York is the best state & that's where they're going to stay till the end. You, Americans, really champion your respective states, advertise it that the other people visit that state & forget the others. With California, I think there's envy at play as well. It's popular, attracts tourists etc etc. I read many accounts by Americans who admitted liking California & New Yorker (!), in fact, deciding to move to California for good. Everytime there's Californian guest in What's My Line, John Daly, panel moderator, would exclaim "Lucky you!", "That's fine country!" etc. He didn't say anything like it when the guest is from different state, just polite thing as "Oh, we're neighbors" if smb. came from New Jersey & states near NY. Maybe some people live with impression that California is this magical place without being there but, as you see, there's people actually who visited California (reluctantly - loyal to their state, rmbr) &...ended up jolly impressed. Doubt people would be such durn fools that, even being there, living in California, they'd be tricked into liking what surrounds them. I think it's safe to say it's up to everybody what they're into. I like luxury of California, f.ex. You, Buckethead, said it's not for you. See?
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« Reply #319 on: July 05, 2018, 05:11:10 PM »

While I do admit to being partial to my home state of Pennsylvania, I have seen much to admire in many other states in the US. and know many people who, while a bit sentimental about their state of origin, appreciate  living in others and would not wish to move back.  In terms of California,
there is a great deal to admire and enjoy, just as there are parts and aspects of the state that I don't care for.  However, the idea that it is luxurious
is true of certain parts of it. There is also a lot of poverty and  people who have very moderate incomes.
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« Reply #320 on: July 05, 2018, 05:26:54 PM »

California has the highest percentage of homeless population in the country, and is in the lower quartile of states for worst poverty rate, for example. As places like San Francisco and Silicon Valley in general become heaven for some, most are completely priced out of existence. Sure, it is--or at least its coastal cities are--a great place to be rich. But ask the homeless guy or the farm laborer (in what would be a desert--and has the sun of one--if not for irrigation) how luxurious it is.

It's a gigantic land mass. There are wonders everywhere, grand and subtle. There are problems everywhere, grand and subtle. To idealize is to blunder.
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« Reply #321 on: July 05, 2018, 05:42:45 PM »

Poverty can be found anywhere. I'm sure every place got the worst & best, dangerous & safe sides. When people praise new place they visit, they realize it but still pay attention to things they liked about said place. Best things in California, they stay the best, don't get smaller due to problems it/ its government/ people living in poorer areas deal with. We can't do anything with this poverty, just sympathize. I think it's OK to like place for its best things even if witnessed the lowest of the low too.
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« Reply #322 on: July 05, 2018, 05:48:00 PM »

Previous reply addressed to Buckethead.  But the last paragraph in the captain's post (except the last bit) is kinda similar to the main point of what's said in that previous reply.
Addition: this poster, the captain, lives in Minnesota, as they stated many times. I know who is from where, I read this board 6 yrs. So, of course, any place being inhabited with people, there's issues in that state as well. But the captain is proud of their state, do we believe that this poster thinks with concern for random people's welfare they never met? Imagine if this poster visited California, with this knowledge of highest percentage of poverty there. Is it possible that they would think a lot about it & having this mental picture wouldn't be capable to still enjoy the positives in California? People like India, China etc. But they've got the ugly sides as well. Does it mean that people shouldn't enjoy things they liked in these respective countries? It isn't idealizing, it't just enjoying the time, the new place, unusual traditions, cuisine etc.
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Boy dislikes girl. The girl dislikes that boy. People dislike the boy AND girl. Question - WHO dislikes these people?

Pom pom generation thinks The Baby boomers can't hopscotch into admitting that they're ANYthing BUT cool & the boom they represent is archaic thing by now.
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« Reply #323 on: July 05, 2018, 05:59:54 PM »

And let's not forget the impression many have of California. While I find much that is beautiful about it, the reality is that
many aspects of it do not square with the myth. 
I see this tendency with people living in the States that everybody's super-loyal towards their home state. F.ex. New Yorker says New York is the best state & that's where they're going to stay till the end. You, Americans, really champion your respective states, advertise it that the other people visit that state & forget the others. With California, I think there's envy at play as well. It's popular, attracts tourists etc etc. I read many accounts by Americans who admitted liking California & New Yorker (!), in fact, deciding to move to California for good. Everytime there's Californian guest in What's My Line, John Daly, panel moderator, would exclaim "Lucky you!", "That's fine country!" etc. He didn't say anything like it when the guest is from different state, just polite thing as "Oh, we're neighbors" if smb. came from New Jersey & states near NY. Maybe some people live with impression that California is this magical place without being there but, as you see, there's people actually who visited California (reluctantly - loyal to their state, rmbr) &...ended up jolly impressed. Doubt people would be such durn fools that, even being there, living in California, they'd be tricked into liking what surrounds them. I think it's safe to say it's up to everybody what they're into. I like luxury of California, f.ex. You, Buckethead, said it's not for you. See?

That is true for a majority of people I have seen. I however live in Texas and I absolutely hate it here. I've lived here my entire life and it has never felt like home.  I'm at the point where as soon as I can transfer and have enough money to move, I'm gone. Knowing that my life span is going to be much shorter than I initially thought/hoped,  I have to make something happen while I have the time to. In any case, you're right in because most people here are definitely proud (and nothing wrong with that) but I myself feel so out of place here.
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« Reply #324 on: July 06, 2018, 02:55:51 AM »

That is true for a majority of people I have seen. I however live in Texas and I absolutely hate it here. I've lived here my entire life and it has never felt like home.  I'm at the point where as soon as I can transfer and have enough money to move, I'm gone. Knowing that my life span is going to be much shorter than I initially thought/hoped,  I have to make something happen while I have the time to. In any case, you're right in because most people here are definitely proud (and nothing wrong with that) but I myself feel so out of place here.

Dude. Shocked
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