The (Fictional) Crimes of Jeffrey Foskett

[Pinder's Gone To Kokomo And Back Again]

Oh, and he puts mustard on his hot dogs!

Damn, I do that too. Earned me a few weird looks from the roommate a couple of days ago. Thought it was common..

Didn't Dirty Harry growl at a guy for putting ketchup on a hot dog?

What IS ok to put on a hot dog?

[Lowbacca]

Jeff Foskett never paid for drugs.  Not once.

Dewie Cox references are always appreciated. 

[Pinder's Gone To Kokomo And Back Again]

I heard from an insider that Jeff, not Mitt Romney is the real owner/operator of Bain Capital and that Mitt is just a front. And Jeff even goes behind Mitt's back and funnels Bain money into Rick Santorum's campaign. Jeff also has Dick Cheney's real (and iron black) heart hooked up to a life support machine at home and that he keeps it pumping so he can drink it's oil-like blood nightly to keep his power/position over Brian.

[Heysaboda]

Oh, and he puts mustard on his hot dogs!

Damn, I do that too. Earned me a few weird looks from the roommate a couple of days ago. Thought it was common..

Didn't Dirty Harry growl at a guy for putting ketchup on a hot dog?

What IS ok to put on a hot dog?

apologies to Jeff for highjacking his thread.......

As I understand, in New Yawk, it's okay to put MUSTARD on a hot dog, but never, Never, NEVER put: catsup/ketchup on a hot dog.

[Iron Horse-Apples]

Mustard on a hot dog is quite normal here in the UK. I tend to put all the available sauces on, especially the Encona hot chilli ones. Lovely.

[hypehat]

This thread is making me want a hotdog! 

[SamMcK]

I don't put any mustard or ketchup on, I eat my hotdogs naked.

[Lowbacca]

I don't put any mustard or ketchup on, I eat my hotdogs naked.

[rogerlancelot]

A few other points about Jeff:

1) He drinks his coca-cola from a RED can.

2) He often strips down butt-ass naked before he takes a shower.

3) He is supposedly a homosapien and has no problem with it.

4) He is known to have practiced celibacy a long time ago.

5) He refuses to send detailed text messages while he is driving.

And most absurd:

6) He quietly accepted my friendship request on Facebook which means at some point I will have to wish him a "Happy Birthday, Jeff!" even if I have a cramp in one of my hands. What a bastard!

[hypehat]

Jeff Foskett is the only being on the planet and in the history of organic life to have pistol-whipped Bruce Johnston.

[send me a picture and i'll tell you]

I don't put any mustard or ketchup on, I eat my hotdogs naked.

Wish I had your flexibility, son.

[Mikie]

Hee Heeeeeeeeee!   Good 'un, Bill.   

[hypehat]

 

Foskett once claimed to The Beach Boys, his longstanding prisoners and drug mules, that he was in fact a genius too.

Foskett is one of the worlds most in demand soundmen, two recent jobs including the 2012 Grammys and the 50th Anniversary of Dodger Stadium.

Jeff is biologically unable to dance.

[SamMcK]

I don't put any mustard or ketchup on, I eat my hotdogs naked.

Wish I had your flexibility, son.

 

[Cabinessenceking]

There is a rumour that Jeff threatened the sound engineer at the 2012 Grammys with torture (involving two weeks of 24/7 loud exposure to the moog bass riff of Ding Dang/Shortening Bread) if he did not make Jeff's mike louder than Brian for the TV broadcast.

Apparently Jeff is a confirmed creationist. This means that he does not eat babies for breakfast like us normal atheists/non-believers/agnostics. The question is therefore; what do you eat Jeff? I assume it's much worse.

[hypehat]

That's easy. He eats atheists!

[Mr. Cohen]

1. Once, Foskett took Brian Wilson's hand and placed it on a hot stove. "My bad, Brian. I thought that was the pancake batter. I guess the ringing in my ears from your horrible falsetto has left me dazed and confused."

2. Foskett always buys pants for Brian every Christmas. The catch? They're always quite purposefully a size or two too small around the waist. Brian can't button them but is forced to wear them to stop Foskett from boiling over with rage at Brian's ingratitude. "Those pants look a little tight around the waist Brian. I'm glad you like them."

3. Another time, Foskett put hot sauce in Brian's shaving cream. While this turned out to have no effect on Brian's normal shaving routine, the sentiment behind it was not appreciated in the slightest. "Melinda... when did we get red shaving cream?" Melinda, rolling her eyes: "Oh, Foskett..."

4. Foskett bought Brian a giant birthday cake. The catch? It wasn't a real cake, with Foskett popping out of it to sing in his falsetto for three hours straight. "Farmer's daughter, farmer's daughter, farmer's daughter," he went on and on. "RememberwhenIwasageniusandmadethistheoutroofaGerswhinsong? Farmer's daughter, farmer's daughter...."

5. Sometimes, Foskett puts raw salmon down his pants for no discernible reason.

[hypehat]

Jeff Foskett runs his own mint, printing millions of dollars and secretly putting them into general circulation, and therefore ruining the value of the dollar and by extension the US economy, making the population poorer and miserable. When questioned why, he replied 'I heard money could bring you happiness. I hate happiness.'

[UK_Surf]

Jeff Foskett is Quantitative Easing.

[Aegir]

Abraham Lincoln was allergic to walnuts.

[Bubba Ho-Tep]

Jeffrey Foskett raped my grandmother.

He framed Roger Rabbit.

He scissor-kicked Angela Lansbury.

I had to let him "strum" my wife before he'd let me behind the curtain to get an autograph from Brian. That's what he called it..."strumming"....

He smashes every copy of "The Beach Boys Love You" that he sees.

He called me a "gaylord" for liking MIU.

He stole David Leaf's collection of Franklin Mint Star Wars collector's plates.

He forced Taylor Mills at gunpoint to massage his prostate.

He told Melinda to fire Bob Lizik after he msitakenly ate Jeff's hoagie.

He maintains his falsetto by having an Asian dwarf pummel his scrotum twice a week.

[Aegir]

Jeffrey Foskett raped my grandmother.

That could be a t-shirt.

[Bubba Ho-Tep]

Jeffrey Foskett raped my grandmother.

That could be a t-shirt.

Give me a couple weeks on that.

I'll wear it to the concert this summer.

[Lowbacca]

Jeffrey Foskett raped my grandmother.

That could be a t-shirt.

Give me a couple weeks on that.

I'll wear it to the concert this summer.

That's how you make a tour DVD.

P.S. Mad props for your nick name, by the way.

[Heysaboda]

Jeffrey Foskett raped my grandmother.

That could be a t-shirt.

Give me a couple weeks on that.

I'll wear it to the concert this summer.

That's how you make a tour DVD.

P.S. Mad props for your nick name, by the way.

Foskett prolly thought up the nick name too