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Author Topic: The (Fictional) Crimes of Jeffrey Foskett  (Read 25173 times)
I. Spaceman
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« Reply #50 on: April 13, 2012, 02:42:13 PM »

Jeff Foskett told George Lucas that Greedo should shoot first.
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hypehat
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« Reply #51 on: April 13, 2012, 02:45:02 PM »

You know that girl you asked out, but they rejected you? Jeff Foskett told them to do it.
« Last Edit: April 13, 2012, 02:46:14 PM by hypehat » Logged

All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
cube_monkey
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« Reply #52 on: April 13, 2012, 07:02:53 PM »

THIS IS THE BASTARD THAT MIXED " HERE SHE COMES". BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  PHASE CANCELLATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   THE UNHEARD SONIC DISORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS ALSO THE GUY THAT WAS TALKING ON THE BEACH BOYS LIVE ALBUM FROM THE EARLY 70's  THAT MADE CARL SAY "SHUTUP YOU GUYS!". EEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


mustard? arent they standard on Chicago hot dogs?  Daddy, where am I? 

hahahahahahaahahaahaha
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Pinder's Gone To Kokomo And Back Again
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« Reply #53 on: April 13, 2012, 07:44:49 PM »

Jeff Foskett told George Lucas that Greedo should shoot first.

Jeff also created/conceived Jar Jar Binks and blackmailed Lucas (with pictures/videos of an undisclosed nature) into working him in the Star Wars prequels!
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hypehat
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« Reply #54 on: April 18, 2012, 02:45:17 PM »

Jeff Foskett picked Dick Clark, Levon Helm and Robin Gibb in his office deadpool this year.
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
SMiLE Brian
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« Reply #55 on: April 18, 2012, 03:01:45 PM »

Jeff forced Mike Love at gunpoint to make country love (Mike was shot in the foot during the making of wrinkles when he refused to sing it)
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And production aside, I’d so much rather hear a 14 year old David Marks shred some guitar on Chug-a-lug than hear a 51 year old Mike Love sing about bangin some chick in a swimming pool.-rab2591
hypehat
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« Reply #56 on: April 18, 2012, 03:29:33 PM »

You know that t-shirt you love, but you don't know where it's gone? Jeff Foskett has it.

Jeff Foskett is The Web Sheriff.

Jeff Foskett personally bankrolled Titanic 3D.

It is said that the young George Washington could not tell a lie. Jeffrey Foskett cannot tell the truth.

The now stratospheric prices for Premiership footballers is down to each team having to outbid Jeff Foskett.

Jeff Foskett rolls his cigars with the folio editions of Loves Labour's Won and The History of Cardenio.

He also picks his teeth with the bones of Jimmy Hoffa.

Jeff Foskett is the man behind every single RIP hoax on Twitter.

The Human Centipede III is rumoured to be based closely upon the life of Jeff Foskett.

Every single terrible 80's 'comeback' album by a 60's pop artist was made on the advice of Jeff Foskett.

Jeff Foskett owns the copyright to every single national anthem. He earns millions every day in royalties.

Another of his favourite past-times involves driving through the desert and slashing the tires of any vehicle he finds there.

The toilet in his guest bathroom has an ejector seat triggered by the sound of pooping.

Jeff Foskett was Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon's marriage counsellor.







« Last Edit: April 18, 2012, 03:30:25 PM by hypehat » Logged

All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
rogerlancelot
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« Reply #57 on: April 18, 2012, 04:13:07 PM »

To quote Wikipedia:

"Aside from the Beach Boys and Brian Wilson, Foskett has toured and recorded (and currently works) with many other luminaries in the music industry such as Paul McCartney, Heart, Roger McGuinn, Roy Orbison, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, Ringo Starr, Chicago, The Moody Blues, The Everly Brothers, Christopher Cross and America to name a few. He has also been an occasional member of the surf-rock group Papa Doo Run Run since 1993 and continues to record his original music with New Surf, LTD label mate Jeff Larson, among others.

Along with his many solo projects, Jeff is a huge supporter of The Carl Wilson Foundation ( www.carlwilsonfoundation.org ). Foskett mainly tours and records as Musical Director for Beach Boys founder Brian Wilson. Foskett appears as a guitarist / vocalist / (arranger) on all of Brian Wilson's solo material including the Grammy-winning 2004 version of Smile. He can be seen (and heard) on HEART's DVD Dreamboat Annie Live concert singing back ground vocals. He also produces other artists including Harry Shearer of Spinal Tap and Micky Dolenz of The Monkees. Jeff has earned over 40 Gold and Platinum Record awards and a Grammy. He shadowed Brian WIlson on the lead for Good Vibrations on the 2012 Grammys salute to the Beach Boys' 50th Anniversary."

Anybody else on this message board in the same league? Alright then...

 Tongue
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Shady
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« Reply #58 on: April 18, 2012, 04:20:17 PM »

Dr landy was just a patsy, Foskett was the brains
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According to someone who would know.

Seriously, there was a Beach Boys Love You condom?!  Amazing.
Iron Horse-Apples
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« Reply #59 on: April 19, 2012, 01:34:10 AM »

To quote Wikipedia:

"Aside from the Beach Boys and Brian Wilson, Foskett has toured and recorded (and currently works) with many other luminaries in the music industry such as Paul McCartney, Heart, Roger McGuinn, Roy Orbison, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, Ringo Starr, Chicago, The Moody Blues, The Everly Brothers, Christopher Cross and America to name a few. He has also been an occasional member of the surf-rock group Papa Doo Run Run since 1993 and continues to record his original music with New Surf, LTD label mate Jeff Larson, among others.

Along with his many solo projects, Jeff is a huge supporter of The Carl Wilson Foundation ( www.carlwilsonfoundation.org ). Foskett mainly tours and records as Musical Director for Beach Boys founder Brian Wilson. Foskett appears as a guitarist / vocalist / (arranger) on all of Brian Wilson's solo material including the Grammy-winning 2004 version of Smile. He can be seen (and heard) on HEART's DVD Dreamboat Annie Live concert singing back ground vocals. He also produces other artists including Harry Shearer of Spinal Tap and Micky Dolenz of The Monkees. Jeff has earned over 40 Gold and Platinum Record awards and a Grammy. He shadowed Brian WIlson on the lead for Good Vibrations on the 2012 Grammys salute to the Beach Boys' 50th Anniversary."

Anybody else on this message board in the same league? Alright then...

 Tongue

Jeff employs people to scour message boards, and try to stop anyone less successful than he is criticising  him.
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Lowbacca
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please let me wonder


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« Reply #60 on: April 19, 2012, 02:59:16 AM »

You know that t-shirt you love, but you don't know where it's gone? Jeff Foskett has it.
Jeff stole my Thundercats shirt? But why??  Embarrassed It was even too tight for me...
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rogerlancelot
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« Reply #61 on: April 19, 2012, 05:35:52 AM »

]

Jeff employs people to scour message boards, and try to stop anyone less successful than he is criticising  him.

Then he is a "stupid batman choo choo doo-doo fart"!

 Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Afro Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz Razz
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SMiLE Brian
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« Reply #62 on: March 20, 2013, 03:19:47 PM »

Jeff is the reason C50 ended, he burned Mike's hat collection when Mike wanted to go back to M&B.
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And production aside, I’d so much rather hear a 14 year old David Marks shred some guitar on Chug-a-lug than hear a 51 year old Mike Love sing about bangin some chick in a swimming pool.-rab2591
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« Reply #63 on: March 20, 2013, 03:26:14 PM »

Jeff puts his skid marks in my underwear.
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« Reply #64 on: March 20, 2013, 03:37:50 PM »

Who is more evil, Jeffrey Foskett, or MikeBruce?
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hypehat
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« Reply #65 on: March 20, 2013, 03:40:57 PM »

O, thread of mine!

What the sh*t was I thinking
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
send me a picture and i'll tell you
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« Reply #66 on: March 21, 2013, 04:44:05 PM »

Jeff Foskett put the horsemeat in my gasoline and blamed it on Scott Totten.
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that's it, who here wants to touch d***s? all in a row, just run your hand across several of them and hit them like you're bret hart tagging your fans as you approach the ring wearing teh pink sunglasses in 1993     ----runnersdialzero

We have a little extra meat onstage. The audience can feel it.   --Al Jardine

pLeAsUrE iSlAnD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hypehat
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« Reply #67 on: March 21, 2013, 05:29:17 PM »

Foskett introduced Whitney Houston to cocaine, one fateful night on the sunset strip.

Foskett preaches Austerity economics wherever he goes, but hopefully it won't catch on

Foskett demanded he be louder than every other Beach Boy on his 80s tours, thereby instigating the so called 'loudness war' that has plagued modern music inadvertently
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
SMiLE Brian
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« Reply #68 on: March 22, 2013, 05:17:32 AM »

Jeffery sold Montana to the Chinese.
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And production aside, I’d so much rather hear a 14 year old David Marks shred some guitar on Chug-a-lug than hear a 51 year old Mike Love sing about bangin some chick in a swimming pool.-rab2591
Wah Wah Wah Ooooo
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« Reply #69 on: March 22, 2013, 06:32:53 AM »

Jeff Foskett started this thread...
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"I'm in a band. We're called the Beach Boys." ~ Brian Wilson
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« Reply #70 on: March 22, 2013, 07:25:25 AM »

Jeff Foskett told George Lucas that Greedo should shoot first.

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!  This is a good one!
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rogerlancelot
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« Reply #71 on: March 25, 2013, 05:26:11 PM »

5. Sometimes, Foskett puts raw salmon down his pants for no discernible reason.

This one is still my favorite and makes me laugh every time!
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Mr. Cohen
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« Reply #72 on: March 25, 2013, 05:40:35 PM »

Brian Wilson's List (I messaged him on Facebook)

Foskett? Yeah, he's done some bad stuff.

1. Foskett never once paid for steak. Never.
2. Always tells Melinda when I eat more than one cookie backstage.
3. Sneaks in the backyard, uses his falsetto to encourage my 20 dogs to howl late at night when I'm sleeping.
4. Thinks "Roller Skating Child" sucks.
5. Caught him looking at my daughter's nudes in Playboy on the tour bus. I was just looking for the remote.
6. Plays "Sumahama" backwards at full volume for an hour before shows. Says it gets him the mood.
7. Told me if I ever leave him he will track me down.
8. Doesn't always sing like an angel.

That's about it. Ok, bye.

L&M
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Puggal
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« Reply #73 on: March 27, 2013, 12:40:38 AM »

Replaces all known Brian falsetto recordings with his own to establish greater continuity with The Beach Boys currently promoted album, That's Why God Made The Radio.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2013, 09:40:43 PM by Puggal » Logged
The Heartical Don
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« Reply #74 on: March 27, 2013, 01:26:19 AM »

Replaces all know Brian falsetto recordings with his own to establish greater continuity with The Beach Boys currently promoted album, That's Why God Made The Radio.

Hm. This MUST be the reason the MiC box has been postponed for so long - just imaging having to replace all those falsettos on some 180 songs, without anyone noticing it. He's doing this in the night time. So he must walk around like a zombie in broad day light, all bleary eyed. Any sightings?

At any rate: Puggal, we have a winner here.

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