The worst joke...

[Magic Transistor Radio]

I tried that joke in a stand up routine. Let's just say I should stick with the Knock knock jokes.

[HeroAndVillain]

Why were all of Mike Love's children breastfed?

His wives all knew that they wouldn't be allowed to *&$@ with the formula.

[Micha]

Q. How many Brian Wilsons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. None. He gets the Wrecking Crew to do it for him.

(I'm just making sh*t up at this point).

That's a good one, actually.

Brian and Van Dyke were driving around one night. Brian was looking for some cocaine and organic food, and just decided to bring his buddy with him. They get to the Cocaine and Granola Store and Brian stopps the car. The two men get out, switch seats, pull into a spot. As they're entering the store, a bystander looks at them confused and asks "What was that? A Chinese fire drill"

Brian pulls out a melodica and begins playing Shortening Bread. He can't keep it up too long from smoking 4 packs of cigarettes all day and looks at the confused man.

"Hi! I'm Brian Wilson!" He says.

he pauses to catch hsi breath, then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

At this point the man is even mroe confused and repeats his first question.

"But why did you stop and switch places just before you got here?" He asks again.

"Well I just like to Drive. Van Dyke Parks."

This is the one I don't get at all. I got the IV-09 joke, and I always cheer when the numbers 4-0-9 pop up by chance. I wonder what disorder IV-09 is?

[Cam Mott]

I have a punchline that I've never written a joke for:

"...so Marilyn says: 'Brian, is that a symphony in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?' "

[rn57]

Maybe less a joke than an observation - back in the late '80s I met a Malibu native who was, shall we say, mentored by Dennis earlier that decade. He told me: "What you need to know about Dennis is that he was always ready to give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  The trick was to catch him when he had a shirt on."

[Mr. Cohen]

Brian: Knock knock!
Joe Thomas: Who's there?
Brian: God.
Thomas: God who?
Brian: I'm God, the guy who made the radio! Turn the radio on to let me in! But only the 1950s station!

Brian: Knock Knock!
Mike: Who's there?
Brian: Isn't it time?
Mike: Isn't it time who?
Brian: Isn't it time we danced the night away?! I wish you still had that handsome beard.
Mike: ...

Brian: Knock knock!
Bruce: Who's there?
Brian: Bill and Sue.
Bruce: Bill and Sue who?
Brian: The private life of Bill and Sue, can't you dig what I'm telling you? Bill and Sue, let's go, mo'fos! On the roof! On the wall! On the floor! On the wall! [laughs maniacally] Cried so hard, teardrops on my bed!!!

Brian: Knock knock!
Al: Who's there?
Brian: Beaches in mind.
Al: Beaches in mind who?
Brian: I got bitches in my mind! You and Bruce need to put on your short shorts. I'll keep it clean, Al Jardine.

Brian: Knock knock!
David Marks: Who's there?
Brian: Remember when my dad kicked you outta the band?
David: Remember when my dad kicked you outta the band who?
Brian: Remember when my dad kicked you outta the band, buckwheat?!

[Pretty Funky]

Another bad one.

The Beach Boys complete their pre-tour medical question list then hand them to Dave with a pencil. The nurse asks whats going on?

"We answer all band questions" says the group, "David Marks!"

[RangeRoverA1]

Having read this thread, I'd say none of the jokes is the worst. That nomination goes to the one about Mike raising a glass for Dennis's death because he wished it, not because he arranged casual ceremonial custom of dedication or whatever the term is. In short, very distasteful attempt at humor.
 
Anyway, from what was mentioned here I liked the next joke:

My old original:

What's a bank president's favorite Beach Boys' song?: Time to get a Loan

What Beach Boys song is something we don't want to pay?: Full Sale

It isn't so funny, but clever enough nevertheless. Others either I didn't understand or thought they were insipid.

[Iron Horse-Apples]

Q)  What do you call a basement full of Beatles fans?

A) A whine celler


Q)  How do you make a Beatles fan laugh on Saturday?

A)  Tell him a joke on Wednesday


There was a Beach Boys fan, a Stones fan and an Beatles fan all sitting on a tea break on a building site.

The Beach Boys fan says "If my wife has put cheese on my sandwich's again I am going to kill myself"

The Stones fan says "If my wife has put egg on my sandwich's again I will kill myself"

And the  Beatles fan says "If I find Gammon on my sandwich's again I will kill myself"

So sure enough, all three open up their lunch boxes and find the sandwich's are all full of cheese, egg and gammon once again so they all go off to different part's of the site and kill themselves.

Later in the week all three men are being buried and the Beach Boys fan's wife says "If he didn't want cheese on his sandwich's he should have told me and this wouldn't have happened". Then the Stones fan's wife come's away with the same statement concerning the egg sandwich.

Then the Beatles fan's wife pipe's up, "I can't understand this, my husband makes his own sandwiches"

Boom Boom

[Mike's Beard]

Very good Stephen. I used to know the last one as an " There was an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman" joke. Can we still take the piss out of the Irish or are they off limits these days?

[Iron Horse-Apples]

Even heterosexual white men can claim discrimination now, so as far as I know Mike, only ginger people are fair game anymore.

[Smile4ever]

The "joke" in this thread is more inaccessible than a Van Dyke Parks lyric.

[Mike's Beard]

Even heterosexual white men can claim discrimination now, so as far as I know Mike, only ginger people are fair game anymore.

[Iron Horse-Apples]

Wow! Annie's brother.

And just to clarify, I love ginger people. My best friend is ginger.

[The Shift]

Wow! Annie's brother.

And just to clarify, I love ginger people. My best friend is ginger.

… she brings you mice, you give her saucers of milk, right?

[Micha]

Glad someone brought this thread back up. This time I understood the "Brian drives, Van dyke parks" joke instantly. Then I found I didn't get it last time round, I must have gotten smarter.

[Eric Aniversario]

Glad someone brought this thread back up. This time I understood the "Brian drives, Van dyke parks" joke instantly. Then I found I didn't get it last time round, I must have gotten smarter.

Please explain! I get the part about van dyke parking, but what's with the repeated conversation?

[alf wiedersehen]

Glad someone brought this thread back up. This time I understood the "Brian drives, Van dyke parks" joke instantly. Then I found I didn't get it last time round, I must have gotten smarter.

Please explain! I get the part about van dyke parking, but what's with the repeated conversation?

It's kind of like the John Lennon story, where Brian would repeatedly introduce himself as if it was the first time they had met.

[Gabo]

Which was Eugeny Landys favourite Beach Boys song? :

DSM-IV-09

//RD

tbh this is so unfunny it's funny

[Eric Aniversario]

It's kind of like the John Lennon story, where Brian would repeatedly introduce himself as if it was the first time they had met.

Thanks! Although, embarrassingly enough, I have no idea what the John Lennonv sorry it's that you are referring to. :-(

[alf wiedersehen]

It's kind of like the John Lennon story, where Brian would repeatedly introduce himself as if it was the first time they had met.

Thanks! Although, embarrassingly enough, I have no idea what the John Lennonv sorry it's that you are referring to. :-(

"I was sitting backstage after the 1974 Grammys with Bernie Taupin (Elton John’s lyricist) and John Lennon.  This was when Brian was really having some mental issues.  During the course of the conversation, I kept seeing Brian out of the corner of my eye, just kind of staring at us from different angles.  Finally, he came up to the table, bent down and whispered in my ear ‘Hey Alice, introduce me to John Lennon.’  I couldn’t BELIEVE that these two men had never met!  They were virtually neck and neck in the 60’s as the greatest bands on the planet, and I’m SURE they must have crossed paths at some point.  But then I thought to myself, ‘Wow, if they REALLY have never met, I’m going to be the one to introduce them and become a part of rock history!’  So I merely said, ‘Brian Wilson, this is John Lennon.  John Lennon, this is Brian Wilson.’  Lennon was very cordial and polite, saying things like ‘Hello Brian, I’ve always wanted to meet you.  I’ve always admired your work, and Paul and I considered Pet Sounds one of the best albums ever made.’  Brian thanked him and walked away, at which point Lennon went right back to his conversation like nothing had happened.  About ten minutes later, Brian came by our table again, leaned down and whispered something to Bernie, and all of a sudden, Bernie was saying ‘Brian Wilson, this is John Lennon.  John Lennon, Brian Wilson.’  Lennon was just as cordial and polite as the first time, saying essentially the same thing about always wanting to meet him.  As soon as Brian walked away, John looked at both of us and casually said in his typical Liverpudlian accent, ‘I’ve met him hundreds of times.  He’s not well, you know.'"

[pixletwin]

These two embarassed me here at work because I laughed a bit to loudly. 

Brian: Knock knock!
Joe Thomas: Who's there?
Brian: God.
Thomas: God who?
Brian: I'm God, the guy who made the radio! Turn the radio on to let me in! But only the 1950s station!

Brian: Knock knock!
David Marks: Who's there?
Brian: Remember when my dad kicked you outta the band?
David: Remember when my dad kicked you outta the band who?
Brian: Remember when my dad kicked you outta the band, buckwheat?!

[zachrwolfe]

‍

[Dudd]

I didn't write this but I just had to share it.

The year is 2058. Tragedy strikes, just as the Beach Boys predicted. Now everybody has an ocean, across the USA. The United States is flooded and sinks to the ocean floor. Over 250 million people die. Hundreds of years of art, culture and human history, gone.

The year is 2285. Tragedy strikes, and The Beach Boys are seen as true prophets of doom. They are all California Girls now. All around this great big world. The former state of California is the only safe, habitable nation left on Earth. The male population has dwindled to negligible levels. The earth's population, now almost entirely female, is concentrated in the nation of California. Overpopulation in the desert leads to water shortages, famine and unimaginable poverty. Unable to reproduce, the human race will have nearly died out within a generation.

[Mr. Wilson]