Exodus Part One: The Dramatic Thread

[scooter]

Well, if you insist. I'm secure in my male hetrosexuality--Danza...

[monkee knutz]

Disappear from the board for a day and drama is deleted! What'd I miss?

[Susan]

I have been posting on BB message boards for almost ten years now.  I have been administrator, and then owner, of one for about 7 years.  Allow me, if you will, to share a few thoughts.

On-line fan communities and message boards provide a place where even the most distant of us can find acceptance, because the members of a given community share a common like.  For some people, this may be the only place in their lives where they find that unconditional acceptance.   And even among those who function just fine in their real social lives, that unconditional acceptance can be comforting.

As the comfort level grows, then, people become a little more open.  We tell more about ourselves, and we really start to feel like we're part of something - which we are!  The on-line community is as real as the real-life community, without the need to be clothed!
;-)

But as with any community, there are times when tension arises.  This may happen because someone says something the others disagree with, or because someone does something stupid, or because an unknown sensitive spot gets hit with a humorous hammer...there are any number of reasons why it happens, but rest assured: on all boards, it DOES happen.  The big problems come from how people deal with it.  Because we feel like our safe place has been violated, and our friends there aren't really our friends - because they show themselves to be - gasp - not perfect.  Human.

Drag.

Reactions range from storming off to sulking; from having a tantrum to stony silence.  Often, tho, these on-line tensions are worse than real-life tensions, because we are SO physically and emotionally engaged and involved.  We sit at the computer and we type - our bodies AND our minds are engaged here, and yes, we become addicted.  So our reaction to a bad scene in an on-line community can be even more intense than when it happens in real life.

Some suggestions for dealing with it:  Take a deep breath.  Walk away from the computer for now.  Walk, in fact.  Go outside.  Go shopping.  Re-engage with your real life.  Clean the bathroom.  Make the bed.  Make a cake.  And realize that the people in your on-line community are just like the other people in your life: Flawed, but basically good-intentioned. 

Just like you.

Folks, i've been on all sides of this.  I have deleted threads and taken a hit for it; i've refused to delete posts, and taken a hit for that; i've been nasty; i've been on the receiving end of nastiness; i've watched nastiness and bad feelings bloom on my own boards.  They do run their course, however, and that happens more quickly and with less hurt if everyone counts to ten before they hit that "Post" button.  And remember: You reap what you sow.  What you post will come back to you.

For what it's worth, i think there is great value in a forum like the Sandbox.  It's a place for the silliness to escape...for your inner bastard to get an airing.  The trick is to remember that the other posters are people, too, and they have feelings just like yours.  The Golden Rule applies in a place like this even more than it does elsewhere, i think, because the barriers are lowered.  We have to think, that's all.  Breathe, and think.

And if you feel you've done someone wrong, just drop them a PM and apologize.  It's okay to say you're sorry.  And it's good to accept an honest apology.  Mend your fences; you have good friends here, and you want to keep them.  And the next time something like this happens, why not reach out via PM and talk to someone, rather than get upset in public?  The person who upset you probably doesn't know s/he's done so.  Isn't it better to let them know privately than to create unhappiness for everybody?

Sorry this is so long, and i hope you don't think me too pompous or assuming.  But it's important to me that our on-line BB community stays as healthy as it can.  Let the band be dysfunctional; we don't have to be!

Peas.

[Maybelline]

Thanks Susan.
  Here's something to give you a laugh -  also Compost if you are reading - http://teachers.youaremighty.com   
(I was waiting for a punchline but there isn't one)

[Charles LePage @ ComicList]

As a newbie (but a very active one) I offer this: dunno what Boxer said, don't much care, KEEP THE SANDBOX OPEN...I agree with what Susan said--about the posts and the forum--Danza/Baio, don't care 'bout that either...The Sandbox is every bit as important as On Topic Discussions; We can't appreciate beauty without having ugliness for balance,BOTH being in the eye of the beholder...FWIW, the BLUEBOARD seems positively, er, uh, "quaint" after being here for a few days...What do you veteran posters call yourselves--Smileys, Smilers, the SS, oops, THAT'S no good...We need the Sandbox!!!

I tell you this, there's no real danger of the sandbox disappearing.  Not after I went and found a picture of a sandbox.

[Maybelline]

Yeah but Chuck it now looks like an advert for the Early Learning Centre     

[Charles LePage @ ComicList]

Hah, well, maybe it fits the behavior. 

[I. Spaceman]

Especially yours.

[LaurieBiagini]

Thanks for posting those great words of wisdom, Susan.  Much appreciated! 

[Susan]

PS:  It's always better to assume that someone meant no harm or offense in a post than to assume that they did.

[I. Spaceman]

How about when an "administrator" posts hypocritical insults and slander about you?

[Charles LePage @ ComicList]

How about when an "administrator" posts hypocritical insults and slander about you?

Such as?

[Charles LePage @ ComicList]

Especially yours.

Why especially mine? 

[I. Spaceman]

That I post "disgusting and offensive nonsense", when in reality, I'm the person who's been fighting against it consistently. Did you even read that sex thread before you deleted it, Charles?

[Susan]

How about when an "administrator" posts hypocritical insults and slander about you?

How about when anybody does any asshole thing to or around or about you?  And what if they didn't mean it that way, but you just took it that way, and the hard feelings never had to have happened?

And how about if you really have been wronged?

You take a deep breathe and you take the high road and you be the grown up and you move on.  You don't forget, but you don't have to make it last forever, either.  The fact of the matter is NOBODY goes through life without being done wrong by other people - usually numerous times.  It's not about what others do to you, Jason; it's about how you react to it. 

How you react to things is entirely up to you.

That's where taking a breath comes in.  Take a breath and think about how you want to react to something.  That's especially easy on-line, because you can think about it, type, read it over, consider your words...and decide if that's *really* how you want to react to a thing.

Going off half-cocked almost never yields positive results.

And if you really have to let loose, then do it on a PM.  Why involve the rest of us?

[Charles LePage @ ComicList]

Let me be clear:  I have not singled you out for posting "disgusting and offensive nonsense."  It happens frequently here, and unfortunately, not just in the Sandbox, which makes job that much harder.

No, I did not read the entire "sex" thread before I deleted it.  I was asked by several involved parties to get rid of it, and I did. 

If you've been the voice of reason in the Sandbox, you have my apologies.  Given your past and current behavior, I doubt you are standing high and mighty, far above the muck everyone else swims in, but I've been wrong before.

[I. Spaceman]

It's not about what others do to you, Jason;

That about fodaing says it all.

[I. Spaceman]

And if you really have to let loose, then do it on a PM. 

If someone calls me out publically, the argument remains public.
Simple as that.

[Kirk Lowdermilk]

in regards to the bellyaching:

[I. Spaceman]

Given your past and current behavior,

Oh, and what's that?
Photoshopping naked pictures of Laurie?
Oh, I'm sorry, that's your method of fighting, excusing your behavior with an unwarranted attack on others' character.
Whatever.

[Charles LePage @ ComicList]

You take a deep breathe and you take the high road and you be the grown up and you move on.

Precisely.  That may mean ignoring aspects of this board, and certain behaviors, that upset you.  It may mean taking an extended break if things continue to upset you.  For instance, I found myself using my limited time in a non constructive manner on Susan's board.  I also found certain threads and messages to be spiritually and intellectually lacking and draining.  I've taken a break, and my online life has gone much smoother so far.

Ian, you are currently welcome on this board, but if being here causes you so much grief, find a way to improve things here, ignore things here, or avoid things here.

[Susan]

It's not about what others do to you, Jason;

That about fodaing says it all.

Don't know why that sets you off, but if it changes your perception, i meant that in the global sense.  It's not about what anybody DOES TO anybody.  It's about how EACH INDIVIDUAL reacts.  Control that which we can; that's all any of us can hope to do.

Serious suggestion: Go throw some rocks at a fence and get some of this immediate anger out of your system.  Scream and yell the things that are pissing you off.  It might help.

[Charles LePage @ ComicList]

Given your past and current behavior,

Oh, and what's that?
Photoshopping naked pictures of Laurie?
Oh, I'm sorry, that's your method of fighting, excusing your behavior with an unwarranted attack on others' character.
Whatever.

As I've never seen a naked picture of Laurie, I can only guess you are speaking of someone else.  If you want to accuse me of something, at least make certain it's factual.

[I. Spaceman]

find a way to improve things here,

That's what I've been trying to do, but when you call me out on a consistent basis in a patronising manner, it's pretty damn annoying.

[I. Spaceman]

Given your past and current behavior,

Oh, and what's that?
Photoshopping naked pictures of Laurie?
Oh, I'm sorry, that's your method of fighting, excusing your behavior with an unwarranted attack on others' character.
Whatever.

As I've never seen a naked picture of Laurie, I can only guess you are speaking of someone else.  If you want to accuse me of something, at least make certain it's factual.

I'll leave that to Jeff Mason.