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Author Topic: Facts about Mike Love  (Read 10536 times)
Evenreven
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« on: February 10, 2006, 12:07:08 PM »

Mike Love facts:

In 1970 Mike Love's skin became white, flabby and robe-like. Thus he is mostly naked on the pictures from this period.

Mike Love can grow a biblical beard overnight, without any transition.

Mike Love's "mow-mow-mow"s can induce severe queasiness in sparrows and robins within a radius of 300 yards, so they may fall to the ground.

Mike Love is super-human, and some of these qualities rubbed over on his brother who suddenly in 1961 got bigger hands which made him catch the ball more easily.

Mike Love can immerse his pipe and cowboy hat in soapy water without them becoming wet.

Mike Love has invisible vibrators and dildos with him on stage.

Mike Love's intonation of "thrill" as "threh-hell" in "Blueberry Hill" makes grown men cry.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2006, 12:13:56 PM by Evenreven » Logged
Jason
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« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2006, 12:08:26 PM »

 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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I. Spaceman
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« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2006, 12:09:10 PM »

Love ya, Even.
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Reverend Joshua Sloane
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« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2006, 12:14:40 PM »

He resembles Chuck Norris so much that if he were more famous he would be the butt end of all those jokes.

Wasn't Mike "Fucking with the Formula", by growing all those great beards?
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Did it ever occur to you, Cable, how wise and bountiful God was to put breasts on a woman? Just the right number in just the right place. Did you ever notice that, Cable?
Evenreven
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« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2006, 12:17:59 PM »

Thanks! Now it's your turn, people. Post the best Mike Love fact you can find. Maybe we can make an entire website. Grin
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Chris D.
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« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2006, 12:18:31 PM »

Mike Love awaits dead souls on the edge of the River Styx, leaning against a 1969 Ford Mustang which he will use to drive them across the shores to their new dark master.  In this sense he still works in the gasoline industry.

Mike Love visits McDonald's restaurants on tour and leaves hair in other patrons' food when they're not looking.

Smiley Smile is not Smile.  Mike Love is Smile.

Mike Love put Al Jardine through dental school.

Mike Love is still waiting for royalties on lyrics he cowrote for Captain Beefheart's Trout Mask Replica.

Mike Love's coup for bigamy, "Salt Lake City," almost worked.

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Evenreven
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« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2006, 12:21:40 PM »

 Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

I knew I could count on you, Chris! I'm nearly falling off my chair here!
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Chris D.
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« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2006, 12:30:37 PM »

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

I knew I could count on you, Chris! I'm nearly falling off my chair here!

 Wink
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Chris D.
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« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2006, 12:34:39 PM »

Mike Love took the cocaine out of the Coca-Cola formula.
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Evenreven
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« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2006, 12:44:32 PM »

Mike Love taught the entire world how to kiss.
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SurferGirl7
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« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2006, 12:47:49 PM »

Mike Love taught the entire world how to kiss.


Or Keh - Heh - Isssssssssssss
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Chris D.
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« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2006, 01:10:40 PM »

Mike Love never does it without the fez on.

Mike Love skins little girls' knees between vocal takes, for kicks.

"Hey Little Tomboy" was inspired by a trip to the Frostee Freeze.  Mike encouraged all the Beach Boys to pray before recording it, but only he showed up.

During Mike's culture jamming phase he posed as Dr. Eugene Landy.  No one got the joke.

Mike Love adopts third world orphans he sees on TV, and writes them only to say, "Who's your daddy?"
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Bubba Ho-Tep
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« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2006, 01:11:08 PM »

He sired a baseball team... An orchestra, if you count the bastards!

Did you know Mike Love is the godfather of my son? He shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Well, ol' Mike Love pushes the priest aside and says, 'I'll baptize that piece of calamari!' Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, 'There! You're baptized!' The boy is blind to this day!

Did I ever tell you about the time Mike Love sold me into slavery? He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Love, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!
 
Did I ever tell you about the time Mike Love showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter, she's a beautiful girl. Well, Love shows up. Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Love! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries me and Love! We spend the weekend in the Poconos — he loved me like I've never been loved before!
 
You know how Love served three tours in 'Nam? Well, I'm in Corpus Christi on business a month ago, and I had this balding, bearded Asian waiter which made me a little curious, so I asked him his name, and sure enough it's Ho Tran Love!

I went camping with Love, his wife, and his daughter Debbie! Debbie Love. She's 7-years-old, goes about 3'5, 55 pounds. So, I'm in the back of a pickup with Mike Love and a live deer! Well, Love, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, I'm Mike Love! Say it! Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth - BillLove! It wasn't exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer!

I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.

Mike Love once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!

Did I ever tell you about the time Mike Love forced me to wear a woman's bikini around the office? Love tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I'll be damned if my sales hadn't tripled.

He'll eat a homeless person if you dare him.

One time I asked Love to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party I was throwing for my children. Well Love shows up as Santa, reaches into his bag and says, 'I've got goodies for you kids.' He proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says 'There is no Santa 'cause I ate him.'

He sheds his skin once a year.

I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury.
 
Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Love, but there weren't any horses around? Well, Love throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well wouldn't you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Love decides to enter me in the Breeders Cup, right? Under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, 'Don't shoot him — he's a human.'

His favorite TV movie is The Boy in the Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta!

You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
 
Like an alligator, he can fully digest a turtle shell.

I remember one time Love took his family to Sea World... they were watching Shamu the whale when Love got splashed! So Love yells, 'I'm Mike Love and no one gets me wet!' So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, 'How do you like it?!' And then damn if Love didn't step in there and finish the show!

He did all the make-up on the Planet of the Apes movies.

He taught me how to love a woman - and how to scold a child.
 
He once punched a hole in a cow just so he could see who was comin' up the road.

He had nine children, all of 'em boys!

They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek from Love talkin' in his sleep!

He once breast-fed an injured flamingo back to health.

He used to jog around the block with a fridge on his back!

His poop is considered currency in Argentina!

He loved extension cords!

He hated Mexicans! ...And he was half Mexican! ...And he hated irony!

He grew a third arm and kept it in a vault!

Mike Love's foreskin is used to cover Yankee Stadium when it rains

He slept eight hours a night! Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.

So anyways, Love would put on a white tie and tails and walk his pet cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra 'Beverly'. And he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Love had to shoot the maid.

Love would use his own thigh as an anvil!!

It was the sight of Love’s naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane!

He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel!

He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident!

He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls!

He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as 'Bear Bryant'!

He once ate the Bible while water-skiing!

He once had sex with a cigarette machine!
 
He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson.

Love went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million.

Did I ever tell you about the time Mike Love went hunting? Love decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits! He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives, except Fleagle!

We once had a bachelor party for Love. Brian ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Love once hosted the Grammys, and gave every award to Corey Hart!

He has a toenail on the end of his penis!

Love got his wife pregnant and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak... The afterbirth was sauteed mushrooms!

Love's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong!

Love ranked 18th in the AP College Football Poll.

Did I ever tell about the time Love was in a production of The King and I? On opening night, Love chloroformed the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours! The production got pretty good reviews.

He breast-feeds John Madden!

Love named the group The Pickle Brothers! They did not want to be called that.

If you drop a phonograph needle on Love's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Summer in Paradise.

He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom!

All the Yes album covers are Love family photos.

Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Love's groin!

Love taught his son to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked, and died. Love said, 'It would have happened sometime!'

Love's semen can form into a liquid human! ...Like the guys in Terminator 2!

Love still believes in Santa Claus! And he wants to put him in porno films.

He thinks Iron Man is gay!

He framed Roger Rabbit!

Love used to ride upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady.

The character Johnny Appleseed was based on Love, except for the part about planting appleseeds and not raping men!

He gave a hand job to a manta ray!

 TO MIKE LOVE!!!!
« Last Edit: February 10, 2006, 01:23:30 PM by Bubba Ho-Tep » Logged
Jason
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« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2006, 01:12:10 PM »

 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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Surfer Joe
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« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2006, 01:46:02 PM »

* So mean he once shot a man just for snorin'.

* During the Beach Boys' performance of "Papa Oo Mow Mow" at Altamont Speedway in 1970, Love's Hell's Angels bodyguards murdered an audience member.  After several more riots during performances of the song in the ensuing years, the Beach Boys reluctantly stopped performing it. In 2001 they revived it at a Berkeley County Chamber Of Commerce dance in South Carolina and an Andy Gump facility was overturned.

*At a White House Easter event in 1971, First Lady Pat Nixon hid eggs in his beard and turban.

*Married or impregnated no less than five of the "Sunkist Good Vibrations Kids" and possibly as many as nine.

*Contributed the line "you need coolin', and that's no foolin' " to Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love".  He later sued the band successfully and also won the rights to use the song's title for a future box set of his solo recordings.

*Is currently litigating his claim to having invented the L-shaped McNugget.

*James Earl Ray, Sirhan Sirhan, and John Hinkley, Jr. all later expressed regret at not having gone with their original impulses and shot Love.

* Rumored to have a creamy chocolate center.
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Jason
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« Reply #15 on: February 10, 2006, 01:48:22 PM »

 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

These are great, I love this thread.
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Kirk Lowdermilk
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« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2006, 02:58:28 PM »

Mike Love takes credit for Bill Wambsganss' unassisted triple play.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2006, 03:05:23 PM by Jeff Treadway » Logged
Surfer Joe
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« Reply #17 on: February 10, 2006, 03:07:57 PM »

Jeff Treadway?  My God, do we have another Atlanta Braves/Georgia Bulldogs fan here?
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king of anglia
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« Reply #18 on: February 10, 2006, 03:58:53 PM »

I love Mike Love.
But he ruined the Beach Boys image beyond repair. That, and the name "The Beach Boys".
Nonetheless, it's a good thing.
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RobtheNobleSurfer
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« Reply #19 on: February 10, 2006, 05:09:11 PM »

Mike Love is my illegitmate father.

The bastard. Now I'm going to be bald!
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monkee knutz
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« Reply #20 on: February 10, 2006, 05:13:36 PM »

Mike Love has two seperate closets- one for his hats and one for his beards.

Mike Love once told an interviewer "I once had a threesome with me & myself."

Mike Love was born with a full beard, under a bright night star, and placed in a manger on a bed of broccoli.

Mike Love has actually refered to himself in the 6th person.

Mike Love once chicken-danced so vigorously his pecker fell off.

Mike Love, when travelling, like a good nurturing father, carries all his off-spring in his mouth.

Mike Love now refers to his 'private spot' as ' Wrinkles.'

Mike Love is not actually bald, his EGO has resulted in an affliction that allows his skin to grow beyond his hair.



Even- this frickin' killed me!!!!!!!
In 1970 Mike Love's skin became white, flabby and robe-like. Thus he is mostly naked on the pictures from this period.

2nd place
*At a White House Easter event in 1971, First Lady Pat Nixon hid eggs in his beard and turban.

Third place-
Mike Love never does it without the fez on.

Honorable mention-
He once had sex with a cigarette machine!
He has a toenail on the end of his penis!

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I. Spaceman
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« Reply #21 on: February 10, 2006, 05:18:45 PM »

Quote
Mike Love once chicken-danced so vigorously his pecker fell off.

HAHA!
Join the club, Mike!

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Surfer Joe
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« Reply #22 on: February 10, 2006, 05:21:32 PM »

Mike Love is my illegitmate father.

The bastard. Now I'm going to be bald!

Actually, baldness passes down through the maternal line, so you would only have to worry if he were also your mother's father- which, unfortunately, is likely the case.
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sugarandspice
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« Reply #23 on: February 10, 2006, 05:26:39 PM »

He is blading...and wears some dumb ass hats Tongue Tongue
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Jason
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« Reply #24 on: February 10, 2006, 05:27:14 PM »

BaldING? He's already bald.
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