The REAL Real Beach Boy

[Jason]

I was in the middle of meditating today when someone interrupted me, saying that there was an imposter calling himself The REAL Real Beach Boy on this very forum. I find out that it is none other than Dennis Wilson, my most loved but most often hated cousin.

I'm sending out nothin' but Good Vibrations and excitations to Denny. I love you, kid.....but face the facts. No other Beach Boy has kept the torch going longer than I, Michael E. Love. I mean, I wrote all those great Beach Boys classics with Brian Wilson, my other cousin, and his brother Carl was our live bandleader.

What songs have YOU written that are so GREAT, Denny? Make It Good? Barnyard Blues? I GOTTA GET OUT OF HER SEAT?!?!?

I mean, look at my resume. Co-writer of Good Vibrations, voted the greatest single of all-time by so many 'zines and fans. Co-writer of Kokomo, my favorite Beach Boys song, the one that Brian had nothing to do with. Frontman of the Beach Boys, one of the greatest groups of the last century.....and no signs of stopping now.

Face up to the facts, Denny.....I AM THE REAL BEACH BOY. Hell, the real genius in the Beach Boys was me.

Don't make me kick you in the balls again.

[Jonas]

well well well if it isnt the lovester...how many cities are you touring this month? 87? if you werent so jet lagged perhaps youd have a clearer picture as to who and what is the REAL deal...and by the real deal I mean the REAL beach boy...



just look at that romanesque chin, the magnificent body...and most importantly look at that beautiful soft hair...if that doesnt scream beach boy, i dont know what does!

check out my new sexy soulful album pacific ocean blue...then maybe you'll get an idea of what music is really about...til then enjoy blowing your sax, and tell shaun i say hi

[Jason]

 

Why, you no good SOB. You have a lot of nerve bringing THAT up.

But still, I send you Good Vibrations. Perhaps a little meditation shall help. Like brother John said....."the message in the mantra will give you all the answers."

REAL Beach Boy. You'd better sleep with one hand on your balls.

[Alex]

Ah, c'mon guys, stop fighting. If it weren't for Brian neither of you would have your cushy gigs in one of the world's most popular rock and roll bands.

[Jason]

Mr. ascrodin, I am a purveyor of TM, and I urge you to bring the teachings of the Maharishi into your life and allow them to enrich and enlighten you and your well-being. I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

I know without Brian I might be at the local Sunoco or BP or even some shady Coastal gas station, but Brian helped me. I will love him forever.

I'm talkin' 'bout my CUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, BRIAN WILSON!!!!!!!!!!

BTW, I kicked Denny in the balls again last night. He wasn't following the rules of Beach Boys professionalism.

[the captain]

You'd better sleep with one hand on your balls.

doesn't everybody?

[Jason]

You'd better sleep with one hand on your balls.

doesn't everybody?

Are you one of the Pickle Brothers?

[Alex]

Mr. ascrodin, I am a purveyor of TM, and I urge you to bring the teachings of the Maharishi into your life and allow them to enrich and enlighten you and your well-being. I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

I know without Brian I might be at the local Sunoco or BP or even some shady Coastal gas station, but Brian helped me. I will love him forever.

I'm talkin' 'bout my CUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, BRIAN WILSON!!!!!!!!!!

BTW, I kicked Denny in the balls again last night. He wasn't following the rules of Beach Boys professionalism.

Let's make a deal. I'll take up TM if you agree to play Cabin Essence every single night and sing the "over and over the crow cries uncover the cornfield" part, and also do Surf's Up every night, WITHOUT joking about how weird it is, AND apologize to VDP about criticizing his lyrics.

[Jason]

Maybe we could do an acoustic Cabin Essence with Scott Totten on lead banjo and Cowsill on a railway track.

Didn't you watch me in the Endless Harmony video? I LIKE VAN DYKE PARKS, he's a nice person, but he don't know what his own lyrics mean. How can you write something and not know what it means? You think I just wrote "jai guru dev" in All This Is That because it had a rhyme and a swing?!?

[Alex]

I know you say you like VDP, and you really might actually like him, but he still has a grudge against you for the Cabin Essence incident. And even though you put jai guru dev in All This Is That, Carl is the one whose voice rescued the song from being total crap. And I believe John Lennon used the jai guru dev line first in Across the Universe.

And had McCartney ever acknowledged you coming up with the "Ukraine girls" part of Back in the USSR? I believe you when you say you were with him when he wrote it, but I doubt that you helped write the song.

Go put on a Maharishi robe and sing Be True To Your School until you lose your voice, or something!

 

[Beach Boy]

 

[The Heartical Don]

Hi there Mike -
I notice that your initial post is dated April 1. That's a clue man, a real clue.
Apart from that: I have nothing but respect for you. You wrote that immense catalogue. You rightfully got those millions back. You invented the internet (before Al Gore tried to steal that honour from you by re-branding it as the 'Super Information Highway' - it was a stroke of genius of you to call moving around on the web: 'surfing'. Why didn't you drag that environ-mentalist into court, by the way? It's you, and only you, who's deserving of that Nobel Prize money, man!).
You gave the Stones a run for their money. Jagger still is wetting his bed every night after your speech, and Richards falls out of tiny palm trees when he merely thinks of your words. Bruce Springsteen shits himself on a regular basis, esp. whenever 'Kokomo' is on the radio.
In short: you're the man, Mike, you, and no one else. Keep on touring, and in 2012 I want to see you as the GOP Presidential Nominee, when you will be setting out to repair the damage that Obama no doubt's gonna inflict on us all.
We-Love-You!!!