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Author Topic: Can a native English/American speaker tell me if a sentence is correct English?  (Read 3048 times)
Yorick
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« on: January 28, 2015, 12:50:37 PM »

Hi there,

I'm currently writing a song called Days and the chorus starts with the sentence:

These are the days that I'll treasure for life

Can you say this like I think you can? Or does it sound unusual or odd? Does it make sense? Or should I change it to:

These are the days that I'll treasure like life

or:

These are the days, the true treasures of life

Any help would be appreciated!

This is the chorus as is:

These are the days that I'll treasure for life
Right here, right now is forever
Moments in time somehow captured in rhyme
These are the days that will last

Greetings,

Yorick
« Last Edit: January 28, 2015, 01:03:08 PM by Yorick » Logged
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« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2015, 12:58:13 PM »

Yes, that's completely correct and natural-sounding.
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Yorick
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« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2015, 01:04:00 PM »

Thanks for your input!

This is the complete chorus:

These are the days that I'll treasure for life
Right here, right now is forever
Moments in time somehow captured in rhyme
These are the days that will last

Is that alright?
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zachrwolfe
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« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2015, 01:19:17 PM »

« Last Edit: December 20, 2018, 07:58:07 PM by zatch » Logged
Alan Smith
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« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2015, 10:32:19 PM »

You can leave out the "that" if you want.

"These are the days I'll treasure for life"

Either way works.
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« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2015, 07:58:16 PM »

You can leave out the "that" if you want.

"These are the days I'll treasure for life"

Either way works.
No,  only 1. If you leave off "that", the chorus won't sound right:

These are the days I'll treasure for life - 1st line
Moments in time somehow captured in rhyme. - 3rd

See? It needs "that".
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