last time i attempted to make this thread, the real beach boy opened the thread, grew an angry face and said "WHOT???" and then promptly moved it to the sandbox where it died a miserable, miserable death (RIP rip in peace big brown bag thread).
however, i'd like to expand upon the intent of the original thread. i've been told by many people all across the internets that "vega-tables" is clearly about marijuana (because marijuana is a vegetable).
i'd like to offer an alternative interpretation.iim gonna be round my testicles
Brian wants to stay at home all day with his testicles out. Notice the double meaning: "around" is shortened to "'round" as a stylistic choice while testicles themselves are "round". Double meanings are typical of Van Dyke Park's writing at the time ("dude'll do" versus "doodle doo"), but, like Tony Asher on Pet Sounds, it is obvious to me that the message is Brian's while Van Dyke works more as a translator.
im gonna chow down my testicles
Brian wants to eat his testicles. I find this barbaric, but it shows how devoted to testicles and testicle culture he really is. On that note, I'm beginning to wonder if the inclusion of "Devoted To You" on the Party! album relates to this.
i love you most of all
my favorite testicle
Whether it's the left, the right or possibly a third testicle is left open to interpretation. This makes the song more universal in the sense that if he'd specifically written it as "I love you most of all, my left testicle", it would alienate people who prefer the right or other.
if you brought a big brown bag of em home
i'd jump up and down and hope you'd toss me a carrot
Brian also enjoys other testicles. Black man testicles, for instance. He does not discriminate.
i'm gonna keep well my testicles
Brian believes in good testicular health.
Also, I wanted to say that this guy from Castlevania II: Simon's Quest always looked like he had some kind of testicle pouch for a head:
Upon researching, he is known as the "Two-headed creature". I was unaware of this prior. The two heads move in such a way in the game as to represent testicles. This is a revelatory find, for me. For reference, here is the monster I have named "Testiclehead" a bunch more times:
cart off and sell my testicles
This line seems to indicate that Brian's testicles are (or were) f
ucking gigantic. He has to "cart" them around, possibly in a shopping cart or, on more formal occasions, a wheel barrow. This explains his depression around this time, as surely testicle love to this extent coupled with large, painful testicles would take its toll on one's well-being.
This may also change the meaning of the initial line "I'm gonna be 'round my testicles". Brian does want to enjoy the company of his testicles, but perhaps means literally sitting "around" them, with both sitting by his sides as he sits on the ground (or possibly using them like a flotation device or arm floaties in water. Imagining Brian sitting in a pool with a giant testicle on each side keeping him afloat is easy, by this point).
As for "selling" his testicles, I am unsure as to what this would imply. I doubt it alludes to prostitution given Mike Love never would have allowed for such filth to be used on a Beach Boys song. Brian may intend to rent them out for use as something like exercise balls (balls, get it, more double meanings). It may also imply that Brian literally sold his gigantic testicles, which would explain his normal appearance today in comparison to 1967 when he had gigantic, grotesque dual lumps in his pants.
i tried to kick the ball, but my tennie flew right off
i'm red as a beet cause i'm so embarrassed
Brian tried to kick himself in the testicles but failed. I'm honestly unsure as to why Brian would opt to harm his testicles after speaking of them so fondly, but this may relate to the previously mentioned depression.
chomp chomp chomp chomp
Brian follows through with his promise to eat his testicles. This conflicts with the prior statement of selling his testicles outright, thus meaning the latter explanation is not likely unless he later purchased the testicles back from the person he sold them to. Given his fondness of his testicles, this seems extremely likely.
Thoughts?
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