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Author Topic: An original song...  (Read 3193 times)
Empire Of Love
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« on: September 02, 2011, 07:36:11 PM »

Here is a link to an original song I wrote and performed.  This is the first complete song I've written.  It's a simple song and the recording is pretty lo-fi.  Give it a listen and let me know what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAvoJrc4J9U

mps
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the captain
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« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2011, 07:51:50 PM »

This is a very pretty song, and I wish my first song were as good. Write, record, and post more songs. Preferably ones that are as direct as this.
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kwan_dk
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« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2011, 03:08:37 AM »

I'm with Luther here. A very nice and promising effort for a first song. Count me in as someone who wants to hear more.  Smiley
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Empire Of Love
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« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2011, 10:59:11 AM »

This is a very pretty song, and I wish my first song were as good. Write, record, and post more songs. Preferably ones that are as direct as this.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement Luther.  I plan to upload and post more soon.  Just having trouble getting the vocals right on a few of them.  Once that is straightened out I'll post again.

Thanks,

mps
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hypehat
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« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2011, 01:11:03 PM »

Hey, very nice - Although kinda wanna give you a hug afterwards  LOL

Recordingwise, your vocals are a little muffled - maybe ease off on the double tracking? But then these are early days, so don't take it as criticism or nothing - keep writing and recording! I too wish my first song was that good Smiley
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Empire Of Love
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« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2011, 07:37:54 PM »

Thank you kwan.  Look for more soon!
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Empire Of Love
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« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2011, 09:55:35 PM »

This is a very pretty song, and I wish my first song were as good. Write, record, and post more songs. Preferably ones that are as direct as this.

Luther,

When you say "direct as this" I assume you are referring to the lyrics.  This is something I struggle with - being artistic versus being straight-forward, lyrically.  There are two problems: 1. I just tend to write that way, whether I like it or not.  I can break out of it for a line or two, but usually not for an entire verse, much less an entire song.  2. I tend to prefer lyrics that are at least semi-straight forward.  For example, I like Ryan Adams and U2 quite a bit.  Ryan's lyrics are pretty straight forward, yet he adds a certain artistic flair to the way he phrases things.  Bono is a little less straight forward, he'll have the record buying public supposing he's singing about boys and girls and all the while he's singing about apartheid.  But his songs work on both levels, which is nice for those of who don't care for political songs.  If I could write like either of the aforementioned, I'd be thrilled.  I don't need to be the next Van Dyke Parks (who is, by the way, one of the few exceptions to my general preference for lyrics that are at least semi-straight forward).  I have no desire to write lyrics that sound like they are about puppy love to the average person, about the agony of war to the artist, and about "deeper spiritual meanings" to the so-called enlightened.  But I certainly would like to improve my writing from "I love you so much cause you're so cute" to something a bit more Ryan Adams-esque, for example.  Problem is, I don't really know how to go about making this improvement.

Thanks again for your input.

mps
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Empire Of Love
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« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2011, 10:18:00 PM »

Well, this is silly, me posting three times in a row in a thread for my own original song, but here goes.

Hypehat:  Thanks for your comment.  I'm not sure I've heard any of your songs, have you posted them here?  Regardless, I laughed out loud when I read your post.  Thanks for the virtual hug.  As for the double-tracked vocals, I have three choices:

1. Improve my voice
2. Have someone else sing
3. Stop recording alltogether
4. Double track

My voice is pretty weak. I'd go as far as to say that witout double tracking it isn't worth recording my voice.  If I knew how to improve it (aside from this diaphragm versus head singning nonsense that I don't understand) I'd do it.  Any ideas?

Thanks again for taking the time to listen and especially for commenting.

mps
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hypehat
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« Reply #8 on: September 05, 2011, 03:44:44 AM »

hey mps.

Being in the same boat as you were a little while ago, your voice is going to to improve the more you use it, so don't worry about getting other people to sing. Although that's a great way to do things, I've never done it with my own material -  cos it sucks  LOL. Maybe just fiddle with the levels of the doubled track, or maybe pan them a little so they have a little more space to breathe. I used to double/triple track because my voice was so crap, and now it's improved a little I still find myself doing it as a reflex....

I've been doing a lot of instrumental music for my friends shows lately, so not songwriting so much. But I prefer that sort of thing, because I don't worry about lyrics then! I think there is a bunch of things in the About Making Music thread, but maybe I should toss them all up in some big old mediafire link. There's about 5 shows worth! And I'm about to do two more by November....
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
the captain
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« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2011, 06:42:20 AM »

I think it is easier to find success with lyrics when writing directly. It isn't necessarily about simplicity (and definitely not about stupidity--there is nothing trite about a good, straightforward lyric), but about being concise and saying what you're trying to say. Lou Reed is one of those people most successful at this. That isn't to say there isn't room for the obscure, the arty. I love cleverness, even preciousness or cuteness, in lyrics--but in their place. Especially for an emerging writer, I think the key is decide on and stick to the point. You'll do better to say what you really want to say, and to pay attention to how you're saying it, so that the listener receives it as intended. I love Van Dyke Parks ... but there aren't many Parkses.
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the captain
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« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2011, 06:48:59 AM »


Hypehat:  Thanks for your comment.  I'm not sure I've heard any of your songs, have you posted them here?  Regardless, I laughed out loud when I read your post.  Thanks for the virtual hug.  As for the double-tracked vocals, I have three choices:

1. Improve my voice
2. Have someone else sing
3. Stop recording alltogether
4. Double track

I'm not hypehat, but I'm answering anyway. That's the kind of guy I am.  Smokin   I think #1 is easily the most rewarding and artistically successful option. What's more, I think it is more realistic an option than you might think: and it isn't about becoming a Mercury, a Wilson, a Nilsson. Part of improving one's voice is technical improvement, and while that can come from training, a certain amount of it comes just from singing--preferably a lot. It is listening to what you've sung, and considering how it actually sounds versus how you heard it in your head. Then another part about improving--and this might be more important than technical improvement--is just being more confident. What what says lack of confidence more than feeling you have to double-track!? The mic and headphones can be intimidating, but getting used to it and yourself takes you a long way. Do your best, pay attention to what you're doing, try to do better ... but at the end of the day, don't be afraid to do what you do. It has been good enough for Bob Dylan, Tom Waits, Randy Newman, Wayne Coyne, Jeff Mangum, Tom Petty, and any number of other successful singers.
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Demon-Fighting Genius; Patronizing Twaddler; Argumentative, Sanctimonious Prick; Sensationalist Dullard; and Douche who (occasionally to rarely) puts songs here.

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hypehat
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« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2011, 01:56:47 PM »

What Luther said, essentially  Grin
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All roads lead to Kokomo. Exhaustive research in time travel has conclusively proven that there is no alternate universe WITHOUT Kokomo. It would've happened regardless.
What is this "life" thing you speak of ?

Quote from: Al Jardine
Syncopate it? In front of all these people?!
Empire Of Love
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« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2011, 09:06:37 PM »

hypehat:

I will mess around with the levels, and the panning, and see what happens.  I won't know quite what I am doing, but then there are only so many options.

It would be great to hear your stuff but no way am I going to search the About Making Music thread.  Do you have anything streaming (so I can be lazy and not download it)?

By the way, its a shame my youtube username is mypetsounds because (a) there is nothing petsounds-ish about my music. When I signed up with youtube I had no idea I'd one day post songs there; and (b) if I ever do more with music than entertain myself it simply won't work.  Oh well.

Thanks for your suggestions.

mps
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Empire Of Love
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« Reply #13 on: September 08, 2011, 08:27:32 PM »

"...Part of improving one's voice is technical improvement, and while that can come from training, a certain amount of it comes just from singing--preferably a lot. It is listening to what you've sung, and considering how it actually sounds versus how you heard it in your head. Then another part about improving--and this might be more important than technical improvement--is just being more confident. What what says lack of confidence more than feeling you have to double-track!? The mic and headphones can be intimidating, but getting used to it and yourself takes you a long way. Do your best, pay attention to what you're doing, try to do better ... but at the end of the day, don't be afraid to do what you do. It has been good enough for Bob Dylan, Tom Waits, Randy Newman, Wayne Coyne, Jeff Mangum, Tom Petty, and any number of other successful singers."

I hear what you are saying Luther.  I hope that singing more results in improvement, that would be a great way to go.  And you are right about the confidence issue, I cannot deny it.

Thanks again to everyone who commented and/or advised.  I will get something else up in the near future and would appreciate your feedback again.

mps
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the captain
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« Reply #14 on: September 09, 2011, 06:46:34 PM »

If I may add just one more thing... Double-tracking off-pitch singing doesn't do anyone any favors (especially if you venture into harmonies). It just muddies things up. I'll say to my death: a confident single tracked vocal that isn't great beats a double-tracked tentative vocal every single time.
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Empire Of Love
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« Reply #15 on: September 14, 2011, 06:54:38 PM »

Luther,

I hear what you are saying.  My biggest problem isn't so much singing off-pitch as it is some sort of wavering weakness.  That isn't to say I don't sing off-pitch at times (for example, the word "how" in the third line of this very track).  I can fix off-pitch by re-recording.  But this overal "weak" quality (I guess you'd have to hear one of the single tracks to know what I mean), that I don't know how to fix - and it makes performing live impossible.

mps
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