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Author Topic: Brian Wilson/Paul Simon July 20 Holmdel, NJ PNC Bank Arts Center  (Read 5157 times)
Bubba Ho-Tep
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« on: March 01, 2006, 09:48:15 AM »

Brian Wilson/Paul Simon July 20 Holmdel, NJ PNC Bank Arts Center

It was midnight. I was at the Albany International Airport greeting a friend. He had been in Japan doing who knows what for the past year. He was the loyal friend who had joined me at the first 2 Brian Wilson concerts I had attended. He was home for a brief visit. Upon arrival, we decided to head straight for TGI Fridays for a cocktail and a snack. 

My wife was with me as were his mother and brother. We enjoyed Friday’s heart-stopping appetizers and  I told him all about the great Brian Wilson/Paul Simon concert he had missed just a couple of days before. He was envious. I had a couple of drinks in me so I was open to nutty ideas. I must have mentioned in passing that Brian would be playing in New Jersey the next day, which, since it was after midnight, that day. My lunatic friend, who had just been on a plane for 62 hours, leaped up and said, “Let’s go!”.  What the hell? Why not? My wife shot daggers at me but I ignored her. Road trip!

I guess we bought tickets at the venue when we got there. We settled for lawn, which was an insult to me, but it was the last minute, so what can you do? As Ringo would say, “I’m just happy to be here.” Our first mission was to locate where the autograph table would be. I had my Pet Sounds LP under one arm and my program from Saratoga under the other (in the event that I got those final 2 signatures I needed, Nick Walusko and Paul Mertens). Once we determined the table’s location, we chose a spot of Earth to call our own. We didn’t have anything with us such as a blanket or lawn chair, so we drew a line in the dirt and declared our spot. Since we had no blanket to distinguish formal borders, our personal space was invaded often by the feet and hands of irritating concert goers.  By the end of the show I was covered in dirt and had shoe prints stamped into each of my hands.
 
We were light-years away from the stage, but the large screens aided us. Brian was much happier on this day, communicating with his wife and his friends down in the audience. He wore shorts and a yellowish Hawaiian shirt. I can’t really recall any of the finer details. Toward the end of  “Forever”, he said “yeah….yeah” to himself in a sort of reflective, peaceful way. At least that’s how it sounded. The show was pretty solid. And a new live track was unveiled for the first time: “Warmth of the Sun”.

Once Love and Mercy kicked in, it was once again time to sprint to the autograph line. I had a good spot. My friend didn’t have any Beach Boys merchandise, so I gave him my copy of “Today/Summer Days” and he got the cover signed (sort of…stay tuned). My friend had a camera, so we had a plan. I’d go through first and he’d take a shot, then he’d go through and I’d take the shot. As I approached Brian, I heard his gruff, booming laugh and knew things were going much better for him today than they were the previous Sunday in Saratoga. As usual, I blacked out when I got to him, but once again hollered “Thank you, Brian” at him and unlike the last time, he responded with a “You’re welcome”, although he did not look up. That was okay. And my friend got a shot of Brian signing my record and the back of my head. So we are technically in the picture together, although it is not the wall portrait that I had in mind. Better than nothing. I immediately took the camera and he got in line, which was mighty long but moving swiftly. Behind me, I caught a glimpse of Darian, Nick, Taylor and Scott posing for a picture, so I snapped one too. My buddy got his CD cover autographed, which Brian totally smeared with his thumb the second he wrote it. My friend showed me his black smudge. I tried to reassure my friend and told him that he had something unique. Brian’s thumbprint. 

I went straight for Nick Walusko, since I did not yet have his autograph. He was chilling, hanging out waiting for someone to talk to him. He spotted me and greeted me with a “heeeyyy!” He was a real friendly guy. I told him that I had missed him Sunday in Saratoga, and was glad to finally get to talk to him. He signed my book and I asked him about the inclusion of “Warmth of the Sun”. He said the band was told about it only earlier that day, and they were a bit miffed at having to learn the song in a different key on such short notice. But he said that Brian had wanted to perform it….or at least “somebody” wanted to perform it. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. Yeah, I could read between the lines. We exchanged the secret handshake known only to “Members of the Brian Wilson ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ Club” and I moved on.

No sign on Mertens again, dang it. I still haven’t run into that cat. He’s sneaky, that one. I shot the fat with Bob Lizik again and chewed the sh*t with Andy Paley about “Marketplace”.  Bob also seemed irked about “Warmth of the Sun”. I told him it sounded fine, but he didn’t seem convinced. Darian was there too, but involved in a conversation that lasted deep into the Paul Simon set. I did not try to squeeze myself into it.

Speaking of the Paul Simon set, it was fine again. He was wearing the same clothes her wore Sunday. Paul slurred something into the mic about security letting people dance in the isles. Then I ran into 3 drunkards who spotted my signed Pet Sounds record, which I clung to my chest with fears of these New Jersey hillbillies using it for a Frisbee.  They were disheveled and each carrying a beer bottle. I will try to recount the conversation to the best of my abilities.

Drunk #1: “Lookie here, fellas. This guy got his record signed.”

Drunk #2: “Yeah, let’s hear it for Brian Wilson”. (Heavy sarcasm)

Drunk #3: “You sure got a real purdy mouth.”

Paul Simon fans. Is there anything more repugnant than these self-absorbed yuppies?*

BB Ho-Tep: “Can I say just 2 words in my defense? ‘Hearts and Bones’. Have you ever witnessed such a self masturbatory piece of drivel in all your lives?”

The drunkards looked at each other with puzzled expressions, obviously due to my vast vocabulary.

Drunk #2: “Hey you’re new to this turf. We don’t take kindly to strangers coming here.”

BB Ho-Tep: “HISSSS!!”

DRUNK #1 threw a shoulder block at me, but I came back with a backdrop, followed by a double leg takedown to set up a figure-four leg lock attempt, but he kicked out of it before I could lock it in. DRUNK #1 poked me in the eye and then set me up for a pile driver, but I got another double leg takedown. I locked in the crippler crossface! DRUNK #2 made the save, stomping me in the head. My friend went after DRUNK #3 and hit with a steel folding chair.

I kicked DRUNK #1 who was still down. Then I headbutted DRUNK #2 to get him out of the way and went after DRUNK #3. I suplexed him onto the grass and then dropped a leg on him. I followed up with an elbow drop.

I whipped DRUNK #1 into the corner and went after him, but DRUNK #1 got his boot up and I walked right into it. Then he applied a DDT. It looked like the end was near for me.  DRUNK #1 hooked the leg, but I kicked out. I started Hulking up, impervious to all the blows he threw at me. Finally, I blocked his punch and I countered and locked a sleeper on him! Meanwhile my friend caught DRUNK #3 in an airplane spin. Once they were both unconscious, we took turns beating up DRUNK #2, culminating with me hitting him with a Stone Cold Stunner! I covered him and got the three count.

I watched in mild amusement as these clowns fled, staggering back down the grassy hill and into the protective light of the auditorium. I took this as my cue to vacate the premises. My friend wanted to stay for the encore, but I said no. We didn’t need to hear “Call Me Al” anyway, and it’s worth it to beat the traffic and the police and get an early start back to New York.

I was glad that I saw Brian again and in such a better mood. Saratoga had left me mildly concerned about his health, what with his slow manner of moving and speaking. And I got a picture of him siging my album, which was a bonus. My friend stayed in town for a couple of weeks and then returned back to his Japanese exile where he remains to this day.

*I apologise to any Paul Simon fans for my generaliztion. I’m sure there are some likeable ones out there.  We’re oil and water. We weren’t meant to come together. Brian probably realized that too, since I heard there was some backstage drama, and he hasn’t mutter Paul’s name since.  And can you really have any kind feelings for a guy charging $365 for you to see him and Art Garfunkel reunite? That was a show I would have liked to have attended, but not for that price. I’ll just watch the $15 DVD to see what I missed. 
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the captain
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« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2006, 02:50:06 PM »

Funniest post I've read in a while.
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Demon-Fighting Genius; Patronizing Twaddler; Argumentative, Sanctimonious Prick; Sensationalist Dullard; and Douche who (occasionally to rarely) puts songs here.

No interest in your assorted grudges and nonsense.
Aegir
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« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2006, 04:30:26 PM »

Self-absorbed yuppies that say "lookie here" and "we don't take kindly to strangers"?

Yep, that's New Jersey.
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