Your Dorkiest Puns

Doctors tell us that there are over 7 million people who are overweight. These are round figures, of course.

I used to have a teacher with lazy eyes. She couldn't control her pupils.

Did you hear about Al Gore's book on maths? He's gonna call it AlGorithms.

I'm bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn-spectre.

You should never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.

I'm reading a book about ant-gravity right now. It's impossible to put down.

What did the thumb say to the fingers? I'm in glove with you.

What did the boy volcano tell to the girl volcano? I lava you.

Three tomatoes are walking down the street: pappa tomato, mamma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, smooshes him and says, "Catch up!"

What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

What's it called when you lend money to a bison? A buffaloan.