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Title: Scenes from upcoming Beach Boys convention Post by: Bubba Ho-Tep on March 31, 2006, 07:36:46 AM [ open on an exterior shot of the "Holiday Inn" with a sign reading "Welcome Beach Boys Fans." ] [ dissolve inside ] [ A sign on the wall reads "26th Annual Beach Boys Convention -- 2006" ] Fan #1: Fan #2! Check this out! Fan #2: [ wearing "Brian Wilson is God" t-shirt ] Oh, outstanding, man! Fan #1: Original band photo, right before they added Bruce! Fan #2: Oh, how much was it? Fan #1: Sixty dollars! Fan #2: Ohhh.... They got any left? Loudspeaker: Attention Beach Boys Fans, now available in the Hamilton Room... copies of Dennis Wilson’s single record, "Sound Of Free." Right now, in the Hamilton Room. Fan #3: Hey guys! Fan #2 & Fan #1: Hey Fan #3! Fan #3: How you guys doing on the trivia quiz? Fan #2: Aw, since you... hey, you got Dennis's middle name? Fan #3: [ smugly ] Carl. Fan #2: Smiley Smile’s serial number? Fan #3: ST 9001! [ Fan #2 and Fan #1 snicker knowingly to each other. ] Fan #3: What? Am I wrong? Am I wrong? [ more snickers ] Emcee: Attention! Attention! Hello everybody! Welcome to Day 4 of the 26th Annual Beach Boys Convention....here in Rye, New York. A few announcements.... Ah... first... ah... a wonderful new... ah... item has just been added to the convention. It's a program from the 1975 convention! Fans: Oooo! Ahhh! Emcee: Yeah! It's a very special item, I'm sure you'll enjoy it, and it's ONLY... thirty dollars. Secondly, we have some exciting guests at the convention today, so let me introduce them to you right now. First, we have the lovely bassist Carol Kaye who played on so many Beach Boy hits….. And next up is Pamela Denberg Love, the ex-wife of course of Mike Love, and ah... I understand life with the Beach Boys front man was somewhat turbulent... kinda like living with a MUGATU! Fans: [ geekie laughter ] Emcee: Yeah! Well you'll all be able to meet Pamela in the Briar Wing where she'll be signing copies of her new book, "Looking Back Without Love"! And finally, the man you've all been waiting for, this is his first Beach Boys convention in quite a long time; I know he's thrilled to be here, the genius himself, BRIAN WILSON! [ Wilson walks to the podium. ] Now Brian's here to field a few questions so just fire away! Fans: Brian! Brian! Brian Wilson: All right, the first question, uh, go ahead! Fan #2: Yeah! Okay, um, when you were recording bridge to Indians… Brian Wilson: Uh... bridge to Indians? Fan #2: Yeah, from Heroes and Villains! Brian Wilson: Um... you gotta give me some help, see, cause it's been 40 years and it's a long time..... uh.... Fan #2: Yeah, prelude to fade, that's where you and the band recorded a sort of ascending vocal with a “hmmm” on the end…. Brian Wilson: [ smiling ] Oh oh, yeah right, I remember, okay uh... what's the question? Fan #2: Well um, I was wondering if you could settle a bet for me and my friends, okay? Um, like, when you took a 15 minute break during the session for lunch….what did you eat? Brian Wilson: [ lengthy pause, incredulous expression ] I-I-I don't know! I mean, it's been a long time! I, uh... I don't know that! Uh, okay? Fan #2: [ disappointed ] Okay! Okay! Brian Wilson: Anybody? Oh, all right, go ahead! You? Go ahead! You in the funny outfit! Fan #3: [ wearing a bathrobe ] Okay! Another bet... okay... at home... alright? How many dogs do you have? Brian Wilson: Uh... 6. Fan #3: Wait, wait... is that including the 3 puppies that was born earlier this week? Brian Wilson: [ stunned pause ] The shitzu had puppies? Fan #3: Tuesday! Brian Wilson: Well I... guess it's 9 then! Fan #3: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! [ congratulated by his friends ] Brian Wilson: You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters about Smile over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just some unfinished songs! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little album that I worked on as a lark for a few months, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME! [ a crowd of shocked and dismayed Beach Boy fans.... ] I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves? [ to "Fan #1" ] You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl? (http://snltranscripts.jt.org/86/pics/86hgetalife2.jpg) [ "Fan #1" hangs his head ] I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't just listen to bootleg albums! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a record, dammit, IT'S JUST A RECORD! Fan #2: Are- are you saying then that we should pay more attention to the CDs? Brian Wilson: NO!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL!!! HEY, YOU GUYS ARE... THE LAMEST BUNCH... I'VE NEVER SEEN... [ walks away from podium ] I can't believe these people... I mean, I really can't understand what's.... [ Emcee argues with Wilson off-mike, shoves him, Wilson shoves back harder.... ] Second Emcee: Uh... that was Brian Wilson, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, I'd like to remind you fans that we have some fine refreshments from all over the galaxy... Coke, Diet Coke, Sunkist Orange, I believe. We.... [ Meanwhile, Emcee waves the contract in front of Wilson, who then reluctantly returns to the podium.... ] Brian Wilson: Of course, that speech was a "re-creation" of the "Evil Brian Wilson" from um... the eighties….when I was under the control of the um…the evil Eugene Landy….. [ Fans get happy, applaud ] Brian Wilson: Yeah, Yeah, so thank you... and, and... uh Love and Mercy to you all... And uh... let’s spread those Good Vibrations…..AND CATCH A WAVE!!! [FANS CHEER] [ fade out ] Title: Re: Scenes from upcoming Beach Boys convention Post by: Jonas on March 31, 2006, 07:46:34 AM :lol
awesome! Title: Re: Scenes from upcoming Beach Boys convention Post by: punkinhead on March 31, 2006, 10:59:39 AM i like this a whole lot...it gets me because im a star wars fan that's attended two of the Celebrations, so I know where this is comming from
Title: Re: Scenes from upcoming Beach Boys convention Post by: Susan on March 31, 2006, 11:53:02 AM Hmmm....*checking celeb invite list for 2007* Hm.
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