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Which was Eugeny Landys favourite Beach Boys song? :

DSM-IV-09

//RD

May well be the worst joke, it being neither funny nor in any way comprehensible to me.

I thought maybe it was just me not getting it. I feel better now. 
Maybe it's a stupid pet trick

Well, it's not that hard. If you understand roman numerals and combine it with a quick look to wikipedia:
DSM-IV Codes
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Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition, Text Revision, also known as DSM-IV-TR, is a manual published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) that includes all currently recognized mental health disorders. The coding system utilized by the DSM-IV is designed to correspond with codes from the International Classification of Diseases, commonly referred to as the ICD. Since early versions of the DSM did not correlate with ICD codes and updates of the publications for the ICD and the DSM are not simultaneous, some distinctions in the coding systems may still be present. For this reason, it is recommended that users of these manuals consult the appropriate reference when accessing diagnostic codes.



So, it is: DSM - 4-09

Lame! ::)

Not even lame, just not funny at all.
Banish The poster!!

Who actually got the joke when they first read it?

I did, and I thought it was funny. Helps if you know what it means.  :-D

Me too.
There's a copy of the DSM-III-R in sight from my keyboard.

So I guess to you 3 it must be a real riot then.

As our good friend The Don has started the petition to get me banned, i thought i might grease the wheels somewhat.

Dennis Wilson walks into a bar, and orders a pint. The bartender takes one look at him and says 'You've had too much to drink. Go home, I won't serve you.'
Denny protests, but the bartender won't relent and so he staggers out the door.
Now this is an fairly old pub, and has multiple entrances. So when Wilson comes through the second entrance 5 minutes later, the Bartender knows his game.
When Denny gets to the bar, the Bartender stops him and says 'Look, I won't serve you. Go home.'
'F*ck, man. What the hell." Denny replies, and turns around and staggers out.
The bartender gets back to work, thinking he's seen the last of Denny, until 5 minutes later the third entrance bursts open and Dennis Wilson staggers in.
"Look mate, I keep telling you. You're pissed, and I won't serve you. Now f*ck off home." The bartender shouts at him. To which Dennis replies,


'For f*cks sake, every single pub i go into won't serve me!'





I'll get me coat  ;D

As the young kids today like to say; 'Epic Fail'   :o

Not certain what Epic Fail is, with it's half quotes, but this one it least is accessible by pretty much anyone.
 Mildly humorous, Closer to Brian's than Landy's

In my defense, that joke is about as old as oldsurferdude  ;)

I got a better one: what's saltier than a sardine? Al Jardine!

I got it when I read it the first time. I thought it was pretty good. Not a laugh riot, more of a 'well played' sort of thing.

You want bad? I'll give you bad!
Found this one ::)

The beach boys walk into a bar sit down look at each other and in turn say.
"Round" "Round" "get a Round" "ill get the Round"

Bad joke or not, I have a feeling that exact Dennis scenario actually happened  :-\

http://web.archive.org/web/20030404030551/community-2.webtv.net/@HH!00!19!F93E0A8143AC/sloopdougb/BBAdventurespart2/page8.html

Physically or mentally?

wow that really was the worst joke.

Riot.......DSM-IV oh nine....riot!

another set up.......


What did the shrink take to the drag race?

His DSM-IV 09.

 :lol

Question 1: Why does "Solar System" exist?

Question 2: What did Mike Love like to chew on before gigs?

Answer to both: "Brian Wilson's nuts."

(Don't blame me for this one, blame Mark Prindle).

Why did Brian Wilson cross the road?

'Cause he was sick on honkin' down the highway?

Cause he was stapled to the chicken?

To avoid Mike who was heading the other way?

It was renamed 'Wilson Road' and Landy told him to?

To bum a smoke from Carnie and Wendys school bus driver?

Cos his wife & managers told him to?


Either works. I picture him as one of the old dudes who heckles on The Muppets, just with even worse gags.

Because he wanted to get to the other side?

I don't no why but keep I keep thinkin'...

Q) Why did the Beatles cross the road?

A) For an album cover photo shoot.

 ;D

To get to where his real fine IV-09 was parked?

To see if Mike Love really would brake for him.

Sure, it's easy to copy/paste and search google/wikipedia, but if you have to look it up, it's like laughing at a joke 10 minutes later...and even after searching for, was it really worth it?

:lol

We only have Al Jardine's word that Brian crossed the road! Neither Brian or his management will confirm the crossing took place.

Indeed, but they didn't deny it either. To me that speaks volumes.

My old original:

What's a bank president's favorite Beach Boys' song?: Time to get a Loan

What Beach Boys song is something we don't want to pay?: Full Sale

What did Brian sing at the table when the waitress brought him his egg benedict?

"I'm pickin' up good vibrations, she's giving me eggs-citations!"

*smacks forehead*

Brian, Carl, Dennis and Mike are hanging out on the Santa Monica Pier, as a Beach Boy does.

Conversation is lacking. Carl, trying for some one-man-upmanship amongst his family, throws the cheeseburger he had been saving for later into the water. His brothers and cousin are stunned.

"What?" Carl says, "I'm a Beach Boy! I'm rich! I've enough cheeseburgers to last me a lifetime! What's one wasted?"

All suitably impressed, Denny takes it upon himself to make the next move. With only a slight apology on her behalf, he picks up the groupie he had been with and throws her into the water.

"What's the fuss about? I'm knee-deep in groupies, man. You're just jealous I can throw them away. I've enough groupies to last me a lifetime!"

His part of the bargain fufilled, the attention turns to Brian. The eldest Wilson ponders for a moment.

He throws Mike into the water, and says

"I've had enough of him!"

O....M....G...

This thread is the best thread.

Q. How many Brian Wilsons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. None. He gets the Wrecking Crew to do it for him.

(I'm just making sh*t up at this point).

A panda named brian wilson goes into a nice diner.  He orders steak and cake.  He finishes his meal, and instead of tipping the waitress, pulls out a pistol and kills her.  He then exits the diner and strolls mindlessly down the street.  Upon his arrest, he is questioned as to why he committed such an act.  His reply was "I'm a panda, look it up".    Later, in completing the investigation the detective looked up "panda" on google.      The description was as follows; small animal resembling a bear; eats, shoots, and leaves.

What was Dennis singing when he hauled himself and the Manson girls into the VD clinic?

'Round round get around, I get around"

Brian and Van Dyke were driving around one night. Brian was looking for some cocaine and organic food, and just decided to bring his buddy with him. They get to the Cocaine and Granola Store and Brian stopps the car. The two men get out, switch seats, pull into a spot. As they're entering the store, a bystander looks at them confused and asks "What was that? A Chinese fire drill"

Brian pulls out a melodica and begins playing Shortening Bread. He can't keep it up too long from smoking 4 packs of cigarettes all day and looks at the confused man.

"Hi! I'm Brian Wilson!" He says.

he pauses to catch hsi breath, then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

He then plays the intro to California Girls on his melodica. He looks at the man.

"Do you know this song?" He asks

"Sure I do Brian. It's a great song!."

At this point the man is even mroe confused and repeats his first question.

"But why did you stop and switch places just before you got here?" He asks again.

"Well I just like to Drive. Van Dyke Parks."

Oh dear god  :o

Just heard that the folks from the Wishbone Ash forums were reading this thread. Their server then went down after several cases of shortcircuiting. The reason? The WA fans were collectively pissing themselves with laughter. And that was not because of the jokes on display here.

Alan Boyd was replacing SMiLE tapes on the shelves of the Capitol archive when suddenly a brand-new BMW rolled into the Capitol Tower parking lot. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Rayban sunglasses and YSL tie, strode confidently through the Capitol Tower doors, past reception and down into the archive.

"Hey Alan," he said. "If I tell you exactly how many SMiLE tapes you have in here, can I take one home?"

Alan looks him up and down, recognises a yuppie when he sees one, looks at the tape shelf and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, hacks into the Capitol security camera system while simultaneously accessing NASA's internal computer systems, from which he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location. He uploads the location details to another NASA computer mainframe which calculates the size of the Capitol Tower, accessing a detailed floor plan stored in the LA Fire Dept's central computer to quantify the exact cubic capacity of the archive in which the SMILE tapes are stored.

The young man then image-grabs stills from the streaming security camera footage and exports them to a processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. This calculates the exact size of the tape reel boxes, the empty space between shelf stacks, and even the cubic volume of the two men stood in the storage facility.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the images have been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

He prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to Alan and says, "You have exactly 1586 tapes."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of the SMiLE tapes," says Alan. He watches the young man select something and looks on amused as he stuffs it into a leather Gucci briefcase and turns to head for the parking lot.

Then Alan says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my tape?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant." says Alan.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered Alan. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; using data that everyone but yourself has calculated. And you don't know crap about my business.

"Now, give me back my pizza box."

^ Definitely the worst joke.

Q: Why did Mike Love cross the road?












A: Because the Courthouse was on the other side of the street.

WAKA! WAKA!

Lame jokes are lame.

Why do I get the feeling some of these jokes will turn up in Mike's onstage banter?

Having returned from the pub, i feel it my duty to shame the board further with awful jokes adapted to the boys.

Sadly, I cannot hope to plumb the depths you reprobates have reached so far.

You have beaten me, Smiley Smilers....

This thread is amazing  :lol

Is that sarcasm?

  :thumbsup "Well I just like to Drive. Van Dyke Parks."  :thumbsup

 :thud

Yeah. It totally destroyed our reputation of being intelligent, witty BW fans in a mere two days. I think I'll join the Wishbone Ash forums.

Did you think that up on your own?

My joke was the bets joke and you are all in eternal pain form the awesome badness of it.

Shaggy dog joke baby.

Mine was original.

Everyone else are just posers.

I am king of irredeemable puns.

My daddy taught me well.

Get  a breath of that country air! bad puns lying everywhere!

Went to my local Chinese Resturant for a takeaway , and while waiting I asked the Chef what his favourite Beach Boys song was - Well after a while of thinking he gave his answer !

" Ah , 'Til I Fry "        :-)

thought this was a joke, but it wasn't!

On Pandora, Surf's Up was playing, the lyrics were on there...for the "bygone bygone" part, it had for the lyrics: "Michael Michael"                 :lol

WTF?!?!?!


Mike Love would not be pleased

Q. What are three things you have to keep track of at a wedding?

A. Is Roger Christian, did Gary usher, and where did Van Dyke park?

That one actually made me laugh. I salute you, sir.

wow, that was good

Too bad I didn't come up with it. This guy did:

http://smileysmile.net/board/index.php/topic,9509.msg164328.html#msg164328

Of course not!

Who got Brian off more than Marilyn and Melinda put together?


Phil Spector    ;D

 ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRU972iKRsQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EMcsEJsfqw&feature=related

Mike Love recently had an ass hole transplant and it rejected him.

I tried that joke in a stand up routine. Let's just say I should stick with the Knock knock jokes.

Why were all of Mike Love's children breastfed?

His wives all knew that they wouldn't be allowed to *&$@ with the formula.

That's a good one, actually.


This is the one I don't get at all. I got the IV-09 joke, and I always cheer when the numbers 4-0-9 pop up by chance. I wonder what disorder IV-09 is?

I have a punchline that I've never written a joke for:

"...so Marilyn says: 'Brian, is that a symphony in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?' "

Maybe less a joke than an observation - back in the late '80s I met a Malibu native who was, shall we say, mentored by Dennis earlier that decade. He told me: "What you need to know about Dennis is that he was always ready to give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  The trick was to catch him when he had a shirt on."

Brian: Knock knock!
Joe Thomas: Who's there?
Brian: God.
Thomas: God who?
Brian: I'm God, the guy who made the radio! Turn the radio on to let me in! But only the 1950s station!

Brian: Knock Knock!
Mike: Who's there?
Brian: Isn't it time?
Mike: Isn't it time who?
Brian: Isn't it time we danced the night away?! I wish you still had that handsome beard.
Mike: ...

Brian: Knock knock!
Bruce: Who's there?
Brian: Bill and Sue.
Bruce: Bill and Sue who?
Brian: The private life of Bill and Sue, can't you dig what I'm telling you? Bill and Sue, let's go, mo'fos! On the roof! On the wall! On the floor! On the wall! [laughs maniacally] Cried so hard, teardrops on my bed!!!

Brian: Knock knock!
Al: Who's there?
Brian: Beaches in mind.
Al: Beaches in mind who?
Brian: I got bitches in my mind! You and Bruce need to put on your short shorts. I'll keep it clean, Al Jardine.

Brian: Knock knock!
David Marks: Who's there?
Brian: Remember when my dad kicked you outta the band?
David: Remember when my dad kicked you outta the band who?
Brian: Remember when my dad kicked you outta the band, buckwheat?!

Another bad one.

The Beach Boys complete their pre-tour medical question list then hand them to Dave with a pencil. The nurse asks whats going on?

"We answer all band questions" says the group, "David Marks!" :thud

Having read this thread, I'd say none of the jokes is the worst. That nomination goes to the one about Mike raising a glass for Dennis's death because he wished it, not because he arranged casual ceremonial custom of dedication or whatever the term is. In short, very distasteful attempt at humor.
 
Anyway, from what was mentioned here I liked the next joke:

It isn't so funny, but clever enough nevertheless. Others either I didn't understand or thought they were insipid.

Q)  What do you call a basement full of Beatles fans?

A) A whine celler


Q)  How do you make a Beatles fan laugh on Saturday?

A)  Tell him a joke on Wednesday


There was a Beach Boys fan, a Stones fan and an Beatles fan all sitting on a tea break on a building site.

The Beach Boys fan says "If my wife has put cheese on my sandwich's again I am going to kill myself"

The Stones fan says "If my wife has put egg on my sandwich's again I will kill myself"

And the  Beatles fan says "If I find Gammon on my sandwich's again I will kill myself"

So sure enough, all three open up their lunch boxes and find the sandwich's are all full of cheese, egg and gammon once again so they all go off to different part's of the site and kill themselves.

Later in the week all three men are being buried and the Beach Boys fan's wife says "If he didn't want cheese on his sandwich's he should have told me and this wouldn't have happened". Then the Stones fan's wife come's away with the same statement concerning the egg sandwich.

Then the Beatles fan's wife pipe's up, "I can't understand this, my husband makes his own sandwiches"

Boom Boom

Very good Stephen. I used to know the last one as an " There was an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman" joke. Can we still take the piss out of the Irish or are they off limits these days?

Even heterosexual white men can claim discrimination now, so as far as I know Mike, only ginger people are fair game anymore.

The "joke" in this thread is more inaccessible than a Van Dyke Parks lyric.

(http://anthonymink.com/stats/4/ginger-kids-have-souls-too-i8.png)

Wow! Annie's brother.

And just to clarify, I love ginger people. My best friend is ginger.

… she brings you mice, you give her saucers of milk, right?

Glad someone brought this thread back up. This time I understood the "Brian drives, Van dyke parks" joke instantly. Then I found I didn't get it last time round, I must have gotten smarter. 8)

Please explain! I get the part about van dyke parking, but what's with the repeated conversation?

It's kind of like the John Lennon story, where Brian would repeatedly introduce himself as if it was the first time they had met.

tbh this is so unfunny it's funny

Thanks! Although, embarrassingly enough, I have no idea what the John Lennonv sorry it's that you are referring to. :-(

"I was sitting backstage after the 1974 Grammys with Bernie Taupin (Elton John’s lyricist) and John Lennon.  This was when Brian was really having some mental issues.  During the course of the conversation, I kept seeing Brian out of the corner of my eye, just kind of staring at us from different angles.  Finally, he came up to the table, bent down and whispered in my ear ‘Hey Alice, introduce me to John Lennon.’  I couldn’t BELIEVE that these two men had never met!  They were virtually neck and neck in the 60’s as the greatest bands on the planet, and I’m SURE they must have crossed paths at some point.  But then I thought to myself, ‘Wow, if they REALLY have never met, I’m going to be the one to introduce them and become a part of rock history!’  So I merely said, ‘Brian Wilson, this is John Lennon.  John Lennon, this is Brian Wilson.’  Lennon was very cordial and polite, saying things like ‘Hello Brian, I’ve always wanted to meet you.  I’ve always admired your work, and Paul and I considered Pet Sounds one of the best albums ever made.’  Brian thanked him and walked away, at which point Lennon went right back to his conversation like nothing had happened.  About ten minutes later, Brian came by our table again, leaned down and whispered something to Bernie, and all of a sudden, Bernie was saying ‘Brian Wilson, this is John Lennon.  John Lennon, Brian Wilson.’  Lennon was just as cordial and polite as the first time, saying essentially the same thing about always wanting to meet him.  As soon as Brian walked away, John looked at both of us and casually said in his typical Liverpudlian accent, ‘I’ve met him hundreds of times.  He’s not well, you know.'"

These two embarassed me here at work because I laughed a bit to loudly.  :lol

‍

I didn't write this but I just had to share it.

 :happydance