The Smiley Smile Message Board

Mr. Jones is having trouble with terrible diarrhoea. He visits his M.D. and explains about it. The doctor gives him a prescription, which Jones duly collects at the pharmacist. Next day, the M.D., being a truly conscientious man, checks his prescriptions of the preceding day to see if he did everything 100%. To his horror, he discovers that he gave Jones not the right stuff, but Valium, the heaviest doses on the planet.

He immediately calls Jones, and asks him how he's doing.

Jones drily says: 'Now, doc, I'm up to my neck in my own sh*t, but I'm pretty cool about it'.

Lawl! :-D

I probably laughed more than I should have  :lol Good one!

I should spring my used condom joke on you guys...you're ready for it.

Guy and girl are having sex in their car on the highway. They finish, the guy tosses the condom out on the highway and they drive off. They stop a minute later because they want to have sex again.

"Do you have any more condoms?" she asks.
"No, that was my last," he says.
"Go back and get the used one, it'll be ok," she says.
"Ok," he says.

The guy goes back to where he tossed the condom and finds a little boy playing with it on the street.

"Hey, give me that, that's mine," he says.
"No, it's mine, I found it first," the boy says.
"Look, I'll give you five bucks for it," he says.
"Ok," the boy says, taking the money and running home.

"Mom, I got five dollars," the boy says.
"Who did you get that from?" his mother asked.
"I got it from this dude who wanted this twinkie in the street. I gave it to him after I sucked the creme filling out of it," he says.

GROSS to both of those  :lol  :lol

I have a gross out joke!:

A vampire walks into a bar, and asks the bartender to get him a glass of hot water. The bartender thinks this sounds a little strange, but does it anyway. When he comes back, he says to the vampire "I thought vampires drank blood. Why do you want water?". The vampire takes out a tampon and says "I'm making tea".  ;D

I just wet myself. This one it totally brilliant... :lol

Another scatological joke in good taste:


Two guys are stuck in a septic tank, in excrements up to their lips.

- "Joe, I'm telling you, we're gonna die."

- "Why are you saying that?"

- "I need to take a dump."

I LOVE the last three. Can't stop chuckling...

DISCLAIMER: This one is REALLY dirty.

A man goes to a whorehouse and finds the owner. He says to the owner "I want a women, but I've only got two dollars". The owner thinks about it for a second, and then says "Ok, we've got a dead one". The guy thinks about it for a minute and says "I'm desperate, I'll take it". The guy then goes upstairs. He comes down about ten minutes later, and the owner walks up to him and says "Well, how was it?". The guy says "It was ok, but her nose kept running". The owner started laughing and said "Oh, she must be all filled up again".  >:D

 :lol :lol :lol

Ship at sea. Crew: males only. After three weeks, there is a palpalble, dire need for good sex.

Now, the cook has an idea. 'I can build a f*ck machine in a couple of hours'. Applause and good cheer ensues.

Late in the tropic afternoon, two helpers to the cook install the thing on deck. There are two slots: one for $ 5, and one for $ 1.

First mate comes, throws in $ 5, and inserts his d*ck where it says: 'Insert D*ck Here Please'. Soon, he's just moaning and groaning for joy, and has a five-star orgasm.

Second mate follows him, with the same result.

Third one, visible a poor guy, throws in $ 1, and inserts... but he starts crying and weeping, and after some trying, draws back his d*ck. It's hurting and bleeding.

He kicks the machine in a frenzy and wants his money back.

Out of the strange box, suddenly the cook appears.

Third mate: "what's friggin' wrong with that friggin' thing?!?"

Cook: "now, listen, matey... d'ya really, really think that I'd take out my dentures for just one buck???"

How do you circumsize a whale?

Send down 4 skin divers.