The Smiley Smile Message Board

first off,

f*** U2, BONO IS A GOBSHITE.

The Miracle Of Joey Ramone

Instantly this is not anything that Joey Ramone would have ever written
I was wishing to be blinded is a sh*t sentiment for a punk hymn, lad
He's not going to mention Joey in this song, is he.
If you had a point, you are fucking it up with your bonoism
Your falsetto is a thing which is not good
nice of you to try adding distorted guitar chords, despite how vanilla this sh*t is
What the hell did this have to do with Joey Ramone?

Every Breaking Wave

Well this is dull
I think this is the same chorus progression as the last song
I think this may be a pirate song
but it's very fucking dull
it's like coldplay in 2005
f*** me
are they trying for a crescendo in such a boring piece of music
Bono can't even do soaring platitudes at this point
I regret this decision immediately.
And that's it?
f***

California (There's No End To Love)

Some weirdo harmonising loops
But oh dear, it ends up in boring three chord fuckery
This doesn't sound as urgent as Bono's vocal
'In a mirror, watching yourself cry/california' is a terrible lyric
they are layering the synths on this
instead of actual musical invention?
edge isn't trying on this guitar solo
nobody except bono seems to be trying on this sh*t tbh

Song For Someone

Oh my god it's a ballad
is it bad to say that i don't believe that Bono actually has suffered in the last 15 years?
I don't believe any of this
someone could be anyone
he's playing for the stadium.
This is One.2
I'm not even sure what he's trying to say
Edge with the nice guitar break
Bono hasn't stolen a kiss from anyone lately because he's fucking Bono and that sh*t would be TMZ within minutes so f*** this song.

Iris (Hold Me Close)

Oh look, more weird vocal harmony loops. Someone's listened to a Julianna Barwick album and missed the point
ooh techno beats
bet you can turn this into 4 chord minor chord balladry
This chorus is bullshit
everything is dumb
dammit all
the chorus does not provide a release from the tense verse - it's not even strong enough, it's just the verse with some weak vocal harmonising
Edge is phoning this sh*t in.
Bono, this sh*t is so painfully hypothetical this album should carry a disclaimer of 'THE CONTENTS DO NOT BARE ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANY PERSONS ALIVE OR DEAD'

Volcano
The bassist gets some play.
but this is already sh*t
Oh my god
is this a song about partying
i think it is
this is so lazy
My christ
it's just verse chorus verse of mediocrity
oh hello choir
this is sh*t
SUCH sh*t
why jettison the most interesting part of your song
f*** THIS

Raised By Wolves

I get a hounds of love vibe
sadly
come on bono, do your worst
and i think he's doing his best dylan
f***
OH MY GOD
THE LYRICS ARE TERRIBLE
HE DID HIS WORST
oh my god
this song is an argument against rock music
every cliche is here
it's the worst
I wouldn't wish this song upon my enemy
and it hasn't finished
it has a really thin production
JESUS

Cedarwood Road

Ugh, immediately.
Oh my god is this them doing metal
Bono's lyrics make no sense
WHAT THE f***
this is the same plodding sh*t from the first few tracks with a riff on top
How do these cunts sleep at night
on piles of money, obviously.
you can't return to where you've never left? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, BONO, YOU AREN'T EVEN TRYING.

Sleep Like A Baby Tonight

Pitch shifting? Nice try, Bono
If this is an attempt at political songwriting, you are so complicit in this sh*t Bono - you cosied up to Tony Blair
I'm not even sure what this song is trying to be
Bono is so in the political establishment it's laughable
maybe he's calling out himself
Ooh, that's a terrible falsetto
don't ever try that again.
you f*cker.
i think this is the same 4 chords in the chorus again.
The Edge is again phoning in his solo
what the f*** was that
everyone except bono seems so uninspired during this record
it's really sad.

This Is Where You Can Reach Me Now

Before it starts, let me just say that this is a really bad name for a song.
piano loops this time around
this is a record bereft of inspiration
empty lyrics and melodies
this is so borrrrrriiiiiiiing
i can't even try to hate this song - it's so full of nothingness
and it's still going.
They'll probably release this sh*t as a single.
no-one is trying on this - the edge, mullen, whoever
bono is the only one attempting to bring it and well - bono is a c*** so
is this song still going.

The Troubles

Lets get into the irish problem. c'mon bono. let's get political.
'the trouble is you'? i think you missed the point here, bono
it wouldn't be the first time
In case you didn't know, i think this record is

FUCKING

BORING.

it has no redeemable qualities
none.
this last song sounds as boring as the 11 that preceded it.
f***.

But let's put a choir on the final track, because IT'S THE FINAL TRACK
you haven't earned this catharsis.
f*** you.
Why did you give this to me.
I will give bono a punch to the face for free.

Sounds good!!

Do you like being bored?

.

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It was very odd scrolling through my iTunes and finding a U2 album just hangin' out in there. I have a strict no-U2 policy.
I deleted it with prejudice.
FIGHT THE POWER.

U2 have sucked so badly for so long it's amazing that people still buy their bland, self important garbage. If Hypehat will punch Bono in the face for free, I'd gladly go one better and hand over a weeks wages to smack the smug d*ckhead.

Your choir comment cracked me up.

I don't think I can add much, but I have to say: is it a "band past their prime releasing a new album after half a decade or so" thing to make every long really, really long? Do they think that their album will only be liked if EVERY SONG is over four minutes? All of your hit songs you're desperately trying to copy were under three minutes, with the added bonus of being inventive and energetic, so at least make your substandard material short enough for me to not check to see if it's over every thirty seconds.

Oh sorry, I seem to have mistaken this for the "every Rolling Stones album since 1983" thread.

To each their own, I suppose. I fell in love with U2's music four years ago and now have all their studio albums, excellent one and all (with perhaps the slightest dip during War). So I shall be buying this one as well. :=)

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True, but I'm a bit old-fashioned in that respect. Although many record shops in my home town have closed, there's still one I often visit. So I shall wait and buy it there, together with Kate's Hounds of Love.    

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I never liked U2.

The one song that I always liked by them, still do, is Angel of Harlem. On the whole though, I have never been a big fan of their music.

One point i did not get into because, well, i was shitfaced, is that just giving everyone a U2 album is so fucking obnoxious and actually pretty evil in a sense - Apple could do this for any music, videos or other content it so pleased just because they can. The reality being, they would have had to pay U2 a boatload of cash to be able to do this - I'm pretty sure Bono doesn't care, he gets paid either way.
They could do this for loads of big albums because it removes the uncertainty of people buying physical (or any other) media. The band gets paid no matter how many people resent it or delete it. They'll probably make a decent sum when it gets released on CD anyway, but this guarantees an audience (no matter if they actually WANTED a U2 album) and a large paycheck.


Tl;dr: I DIDN'T WANT THIS ALBUM, YOU PRICKS, DON'T FORCE IT ON ME.

I reviewed it because the suits at Apple decided I should have a U2 album. This is what being an apple user is all about.


and yes I have an iphone, f*** my life.

I agree with you. Apple should not automatically download it to everyone who has an account. I differ with you in that being free is a nice thing to do by U2. I should have the option to decide whether I want to download it or not.

'Nice' doesn't come into it - all U2 care about is getting paid, and they have had to have been compensated incredibly to essentially sacrifice 5 million sales because Apple gave it away.

Ugh, just thinking about it makes me mad. Damn corporations and internet and everything. It's an incredibly flagrant power play by big business to just give me an album, and have it never be truly deleted - that sh*t will stay on your itunes account forever, I don't think it's possible to delete it from there.

I know these twats have power over my every waking moment thanks to my fucking phone, but i don't need it rubbed in my face quite so flagrantly, you know?

What or how Apple compensated U2 has nothing to do with me as a consumer. Just like when I get free tickets to shows and games from my work place. Somebody paid somebody in the process, but  it was free for me. Every freebee has a cost to somebody.  :)

Wish I could be so happy-go-lucky about it, but I'm wagering you haven't listened to this thing  ;D

Also, the precedent this (and other things, iirc Jay-Z did a similar thing with Samsung last year but that album was even worse than U2's so no-one cares) sets is sh*t and terrible. You could have Apple forcing whatever the f*** they like on you. That is bad.

This is where I do agree with you. We should not be forced or have it automatically downloaded to us. Mine is sitting in my cloud. I listened to the Barbara Ann tinged California song. Whether free or not, I should have the option to download or not.

Even if you haven't downloaded it, you technically own it! It's so f***ed up.

And you call it "review"? More like a diatribe of a school kid. I don't care if you got drunk, you should know that there are people who actually like U2, you might offend them with these f- & s-words. Why waste a space on sth. you clearly aren't fan of? Hate it in silence.
[...Or wait, did I miss sth. & Bono made harm to your family?]

Also, you're making such a biggie - the album was sent for free! Ok, it's bad, and so? Just ignore it, look around elsewhere in your playlist.

oh please tell me how to appreciate this album that a massive corporation decided to force upon me. I'm sorry I wasn't appreciative of their gift and used bad words in expressing my displeasure.

I'M SO FUCKING SORRY

In other words, you spit it out on the album BECAUSE someone forced it on you? Why not report Apple Inc. directly? Doubt any of their heads read this board. That said, it's still not a big deal.

yeah, why bother with criticism, no-one of note's going to read it. I should just be happy that my phone company forced an album upon me.

In case it wasn't clear, if you have an itunes account you have this album. It's in your cloud. You can't get rid of it.

But no, let's just blindly accept this.


I don't know if this wasn't clear but I would not have paid this album any mind if it wasn't for the fact that APPLE FORCED IT ON ME. I CAN NEVER DELETE THIS ALBUM.

If i hate it, and all the business practices that made this come to be, guess I'm just ungrateful.

I got it previously, but I still don't see what's bad. You don't lose or win anything with that. It's basically your playlist PLUS 1 tiny U2 album, which you can easily pass by & go listen to any 1000s of your tracks. So yes, accept it & move on. Lighten up.

You don't care, do you? Apathy is how all the bad sh*t in the world gets a free pass.

I dislike the precedent this sets - every year, Apple could give you an album.

And you're just like 'oh well, better not resent this freebie'

Am I not allowed to hate the fact that Apple and U2 forced a terrible album (you haven't listened to it, I bet) on me?

Should I be happy they gave this thing I never ever wanted?

guys, honestly, who cares

Bubbly Voice Of Reason

Yes, I don't. Why would I? If I received every year an album for free, it would be amazing! You expand your music library, 1st, & all the same discover new stuff - all for free!

I didn't say you're not allowed to hate it, but the way you present yourself reads like you're a spokesman of the board. There are many Bono/U2 fans who would take exception with your word.

I'm not a U2 fan but I like several of their songs and I'm a big fan of Danger Mouse who produced the album.  I haven't listened to the whole thing but I really like it so far.

This thread is literally 'hypehat reviews the new u2 album', what did you expect. It's a thread which expressly says 'this is one mans opinion on this album'.

Also the general consensus of people who are not me on this thread do not like this album.

I get it, but this thread is clearly open for further discussions. At any rate, some fans can chime in with their own opinion on the album/ iTunes politics. What did you expect?

This thread has like what, 5 people who heard the album? If you noticed in another thread, there are quite many fans of U2 & some of them could like their new album.

I can see not liking the album, but I don't see the harm in releasing something for free. Don't like it? Don't get it. Why take it personally?

Jeez...this is why I held off on releasing my own music for so long. I thankfully got out of that, but thank God I have a thick skin now. I hate to think what people are going to say about ME, and I know I've given people a lot of ammunition over the years. Probably the nicest thing a non-fan who hates my music could say would be along the lines of 'There goes that liberal bald anti-gun fuckass making that electronic noise again...I HATE that asshole'...and that's being NICE. This is what I have to look forward to -_-