The Smiley Smile Message Board

I think i'm going on a poop strike soon. I can no longer suffer the pain and anguish of a poop. It troubles me greatly to hear others and especially girls talk about the subject. I turned down a girl once because she brought it up in conversation with me. I think it's time to leave the world of pooping, and enter a glorious new life, absent of toilet visits and/or woodland adventures.

Who's with me?  :grouphug

Peanut Butter is fab.

You had better stop eating anything from plants.  Prepare to get colon cancer.  And never stand in the same room with me.

 :o

Nothing - absolutely nothing - beats a good dump.  You are crazy.

That sound you just heard was me throwing up my enchiladas.

Thanks! :-X

To quote the great BW: I'm a pooper.

I don't know...something about a good leak trumps a good dump

Now there may be male-female factors at work here, but i have to agree that a good poop is peerless.

Perhaps it's time for a poll?

Nah...forget i said that...

I saw a tshirt the other day that said "girls don't poop"......maybe a poll would be in order.
 :o

Sometimes certain things really gross me out while others do not. I was walking with my friend some time ago and licked a tennis ball we had been kicking for a while walking. That was funny and did not bother me in the slightest, but, I can't touch the door handles in my house because some of the people don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom.

I've gotta say, that is a great way of putting it. I'd venture a guess that no one has ever said that phrase before.

In the history of man? Billions upon billions of poops have been pooped and nobody has said that? For every fantastic poop not one person has worded the beauty in that way? Of all poets and writers who write their finest verses while pooping they haven't ever used that line?

If there were a poll, I'm one who does not enjoy the act of defecating, and have never taken an ounce of pleasure from  it.  That said, it certainly can be a relief at times.  But I, for one, would be happier if it were not a necessary human condition.

Pre-Marital pooping is what we'd call that here in Indiana. The reason why girls are always talking about the honeymoon is because they finally get to poop.

i enjoy pooping and watching tv myself...OH WHAT A RELIEF IT IS

Gladja like it.  I've been told i have a way with words...mind you, they haven't been to forthcoming on what way that IS, exactly...

:D :lol :lol :lol :lol

I have flushed my last comment because I didn't want to be the final word on this subject.

the excretion of fecal matter can be quite a turn on, constipation or diarrhea notwithstanding...

i am pooo

Ping right now...

yeah.

MY STEP MOTHER TAKES THE FUCKING DOG INTO THE BATHROOM WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 SHE DOESN'T WASH HER FUCKING DISGUSTING HANDS EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SHE FLUSHED AND THE DOOR SLAMS OPEN AND SHE POWER WALKS OUT WITH FUCKING GERM RIDDEN DISGUSTING sh*t HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SHE DOESN'T SEE HOW TAKING A DOG INTO THE BATHROOM IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. TRIES TO MAKE ME SEEM AFRAID OF GERMS. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY WITH MY FUCKING DOG AFTER SHE HAS BEEN AROUND SOMEONE SHITTING OR PISSING IN A FUCKING BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

settle down, beavis.

Please don't underestimate my predicament here. I can no longer touch surfaces which she has touched, knowing that her non-washed hands have been there. I open the fridge from the top rather than the handle, the microwave by my elbow instead of a cupped hand, the front door with my sleeve, etc. Why is it so hard to wash your hands? Especially being the main food maker in the house, wash those disgusting hands. I'm sure i've built up a bit of a phobia, but phobia or not it's just gross.

Oh and she's a muralist, one of her favorite gluttonous hobbies is to compare herself to greats like Michelangelo. I say, "Please don't use that comparison..." to which a reply comes, "....Why not?...".

dude.

You need a Xanax, doper.

try a long walk in the park....so you can watch people with their dogs :lol

xanax makes me sh*t bricks.   :P

makes it hard to type when you gots all your fingers two knuckles deep.   :-\

hard to play guitar that way too...just ask tal farlow!    8)

BUMPED for Cinco de Mayo!

i usually watch mystery science theatre 3000 when im going

You have a TV set in your bathroom?

doesn't everybody?

If there was room in mine I'd gladly install one. I was thinking of putting a small stereo in there since spending ten minutes pooping in almost silence is pure boredom.

Which is why I bought AGD's book. And once you finish it you just start again from the begininng.

The older I get, the more time is spent sitting on the toilet.

I don't have a single memory of sitting on the damn thing for more than 2 minutes when I was a little kid. Now I could spend a day there if I were not to rush.

I do my best thinking on the toilet. Sometimes I write full songs in my head. I wish I kept a notepad in the bathroom.

I do too actually!

A lot of good ideas seem to flow effortlessly from me while attending to the toilet business, or while taking a shower. It's sort of a place where you're mind totally wanders and closes itself off from outside happenings. When you close the door it's time for two things: Imagination and pooping. I bet there's a ton of authors and songwriters who would never admit to writing while taking a crap, but do anyway.

Sounds like you need more fibre in your diet.  I'm usually done in under three minutes. 

Fibre = Time = Money.

nothing starts out a new day better than a good s.h.i.t. and clean underwear.   ::) ::)

On the contrary, I cannot and refuse to crap during the day. I try to go before I take a shower at night. This way, things can be super clean for the next day, without worry. I also haven't ever gone numer 1 or 2 more than twice in a public bathroom. My first reason for that would be the weird people that one may encounter, the second being the awful smells, and the third being the grippling non-functioning of the abilities with others around. Last time I went was at a service station on the highway. It was packed with middle age to old men hunched over their things. Groaning, moaning, sighing, crying as they aimed into the urinal. They all looked shady, I kept eyes in the back of my head. Too many prison movies had seized all of my thoughts, I was ready for a fight even though it never came. If I had a son I'd make him pee himself before he went into one of those things.

no, if i position my door and mirrors right, i can watch it...i read any beach boys book on the john as well

Remind me to never borrow books from you then.  :D

Reading in the bathroom does actually bother me a little bit. When you borrow books from a library they're ALWAYS splashed with a very unidentifiable substance. It could be the worst of things for all us humble borrowers know! The most common is coffee stains, right? People sit up a night, desk lamp lit, comfortable chair leaning back, and they read with a cup of java in hand. They dose off to sleep, their hand's angle gets a bit crooked and the coffee spills. They wake up once it hits the crotch and sppill more on the book. The other off-colored stains -- well I'd rather not go into what they could be. Libraries (like the one episode of Seinfeld) should have some sort of bathroom-used detector. "Sir, this book has been in the bathroom with you. Please pay full price for the book, as you have so disracefully abused it."

Dude, reading in the bathroom ROCKS! 

I never thought I would be so enamored by a poop discussion.

*Takes note of poster's name. Adds to the great list of bathroom readers -- none borrow books from*

Thank you!

This isn't a Beatles thread!

well, you can only analyze ringo's ability so many times.  This...well, this is fresh!  Count me as a bathroom reader.  Thank God for Entertainment Weekly.

You too sir are on my list.

Why don't you guys just write messages on the TP for the next user to read?

" What's the most suicidal profession?                    --- Being a slice of TP"

So the next user will have a hearty laugh.

Here's a question for you, Foggy One: After you're done doin' your business, do you put the lid of the toilet down before you flush?  I don't mean the seat - i mean the entire lid.

Yes.

There's always a chance of the toilet monster that lives in the bowels of the earth coming up for revenge.

Well, yes, there's that...but there's a more practical reason, and given your abhorance of even the WORD "germ," i thought you should be aware that when you flush, the contents splash.  Closing the lid keeps everything inside.

I know people who leave their toothbrushes out and don't close the lid, and while i'm nowhere near the germaphobe that you are - hell, i figure a few germs help build a natural defense! - THAT makes me gag.

So...i'm glad you close the lid.

wow, never thought about the library books...pretty sick thought

I produce an obscene amount of saliva, and therefore I don't normally read while on the toilet because I always end up drooling on my books, because when I'm on the toilet reading I keep the books on the floor and then just lean over to read (as opposed to holding the book the entire time) and the saliva just comes pouring out onto the pages.

As far as the whole flushing thing goes, I sit on the toilet while flushing so all the splash just ends up hitting my butt anyway.

Just how far does this "splashing" reach? 

I've gotten a cold water soaking from this before. Usually happens during the courtesy flush.

Doesn't a courtesy flush take place while you are still sitting on the pot?

I've never seen any evidence that toilet water splashes out, and I've certainly seen no evidence it's splashed as far as the sink.

http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Anti_20splash_20toilet_2e

It was something i read in Reader's DIgest several years ago; this guy put food coloring in the toilet to illustrate his point, then put tissue paper over the seat, and flushed...and the tissue showed a whole lot of tiny blue specks.

I've also read elsewhere - can't remember where - that toothbrushes, if left uncovered on the counter, should be at least 6' from the toilet.

That's all i got.

Yep. Hence the soaked bee-hind.

You guys are gross.

I went on a poop strike last night. After some unfortunate events, leading to this sign:

"Toilet is temporarily out of order. Will fix when union strike has ceased."

So, I'm done with pooping. It's such a shitty thing to do.

Library books often appear to have been soaked by something.  The pages appear wrinkled and stained.

Much like the magazines in the basket next to the crapper.

It never occured that I have been handling used blotter paper exposed to everything imaginable.

I'll remember to avoid eating while reading and to keep a large bottle of hand sanitizer nearby.

Speaking of reading in the john, have you seen any good bathroom grafitti lately?  I think it may be a dying literary form.

Here I sit broken hearted, paid to .......................................

The bathrooms in my school are under some very strange policy. Apparently to cut down on teen smoking in school bathrooms doors must be left WIDE OPEN to the viewing passers by in the hallways. Of course this only applies to the male bathrooms. Nobody thinks twice about that, but if it were required of every female bathroom to be doors open there would be a ton of controversy.

Bathroom graffiti, a very dying art indeed. It's only art in my mind when it's not some vulgar, dead serious, pathetic message. Hate crimes, gross sexual things, are all disgusting to read in stalls. But once in a while a genuinly funny persion sits down in there, this person leaves his mark in a hilarious way.

http://www.thewritingsonthestall.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bathroomgraffiti/

HILARIOUS.......some that I've not seen :lol

The door to the bathroom itself, or the door to the stall? If it's just the bathroom, I don't see the problem with the female door being open..

As far as bathroom grafitti goes, I usually like drawing a Chad (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chad_%28graffiti%29) accompanied by the phrase "WOT, NO TOILET PAPER?", knowing that none of my fellow Americans will understand the reference.

Just the main door, not the stall.

I find it pretty weird for both male and female restrooms. Who on earth wants to walk past a bathroom with its door open and hear the sounds that come from it? Flowing sounds of urine splashing against the inner interiors of urinals or toilet bowls, the explosive sounds of mammoth sized poops launched against the toilet bowl tunnel, etc. I'd rather have kids sit in there with a bonfire than here those noises.  I think people should be given much more privacy than allowed in this circumstance; especially within a public school of 3000+ kids and teachers.