The Smiley Smile Message Board

It's time this man must be stopped, for the good of all that is decent, right, American and high pitched. There is evil in our midst, and its name is Jeff.

1. He claims to be the CEO of Falsetto, yet an audit of his finances suggested he holds no such position in a company of that name anywhere. Therefore, it is probably a shell company used to siphon your hard-earned tax dollars.

2. Using his cunning disguise as a singer in various incarnations of The Beach Boys, and his own highly profitable loanshark business (rumoured to be based at 86 Trinity Plaza, NYC), recent revelations about the group have led us to believe that he is now the most stunningly well-connected mobster in the Western Hemisphere.

3. Those who are close to him reveal strange personal habits befitting the sick, deranged mind that would be capable of such heinous acts, such as shooting BB guns into a local Salvation Army and ordering thousands of dollars worth of music on iTunes and burning them onto CDs, then trying to get a refund for them at his local Apple Store.

4. A local news report from Wilmington, Delaware dating from 1991 appeared to state that when a woman and her boyfriend sat down to watch 'The Terminator 2', at an unspecified moment the woman suddenly shrieked at the screen 'It can't be.... It's Jeff!' and was driven to such a state of hysteria that she eventually was put into a maximum security mental institution where she still remains.

5. One anonymous witness once claimed he heard Jeff say 'I own every prostitute from here to Moscow.' without a trace of humour.

6. He apparently has a long term lease on the South Pole. A BBC cameraman working there for David Attenborough apparently once caught Foskett on film trying to conduct a 500 strong orchestra and cast of penguins in what seemed to be Wagner's Ring Cycle, but the results were apparently 'godawful, and he insisted everything be sung in falsetto'. Sadly, the cameraman has since gone missing after withdrawing his life savings.

7. Speaking of his real estate dealings, Foskett is apparently lobbying Congress with a view to change the law that no man can buy land on the Moon, as he imagines it would be surprisingly easy to convert the celestial body into the Death Star.

8. Foskett apparently has the amazing gift of being able to backmask his own singing. The only recorded evidence appears to be Brian Wilson's Live at The Roxy Album, which when played backwards reveal that whenever Foskett is singing, the words 'Obamacare is Satan' and 'Santorum for President' are mysteriously encoded into his voice.

9. Not content with going down to GAP and buying his shirts, Foskett has a sweatshop in Malaysia working 24/7 to make clothes for him and him alone. Of course, the sheer volume of output and Jeff's modest taste in attire means the vast majority are discarded in the rainforest.

10. As a boy, Foskett's favourite past-times included racism, cutting the brakes on neighbourhood cars, firing guns at passing planes and spending family vacations pushing people into the Grand Canyon.


I know it seems the more we talk about it, it only makes it worse to live without it.... But lets talk about it.

#Foskett2012

Give peace a chance

:lol all are great, but this one made me bust out!

11.  In the mid-ninties Foskett dabbled in script writing, when he ghost-wrote the scripts to the stars wars prequels

12. He moonlights in a Four Seasons cover band.

How deep is the Vali?

This one is great.

I heard that Jeff runs over badgers in his tractor for fun.

Someone once told me they had heard a rumor that Jeff eats anchovies on his pizza.

Oh, and he puts mustard on his hot dogs!

Mustard!

Yes, Foskett is a monster. I heard that he collects stem cells from Brian to help with his falsetto.

Damn, I do that too. Earned me a few weird looks from the roommate a couple of days ago. Thought it was common..

Fans of blind Puerto Rican singer pummel seeing eye dog.

He's a creationist.

Oh hang on, I think that one's true.

Locked Brian's moog away in a hidden bunker.

I don't think the weird looks were about the mustard on your hot dog! Putting mustard on a hot dog is extremely common, along with ketchup and relish and maybe chopped onions. When all or part of that is available, it's a given that I reach for the mustard first and/or then the ketchup. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!  Love it!! In fact, when you go to a ball game in the States, hot dogs (with mustard and the other stuff close by) is the most popular go-to thing to eat at the ball park.

Jeffrey Foskett brought a million copies of 'Endless Summer' in 1974 forcing the Beach Boys to have no other option but to become a nostalgia act.

Mike has been bald since the late 60's because Jeffrey Foskett sneaks into his bedroom every night and shaves his head knowing damn well that Mike is a very deep sleeper. >:(

Jeffrey Foskett steals candy from babies.

Jeffrey Foskett brought a million copies of Kokomo so Mike could remind people almost 24 years on that it got to number 1.

Jeffrey Foskett is responsible for forcing Capitol to release 'Best of The Beach Boys Vol 1' in 1966 two months after 'Pet Sounds' just to irritate Brian. He was only 10 years old at the time but he had acquired enough power even at this age to make this happen.

I am pretty sure Jeff is French.

Because I saw him in a grocery store eyeing the Belgian Endive!

Belgian Endive!

Brian or Darian must've found it. There's a moog on ITKOD.  ;D Wonder if Jeff knows...

Brian also has the baldwin organ from smiley smile as a backup. ;D

Also on BWRG and TLOS. I have wondered if it is the Little Phatty; it sounds like it...

"He's a creationist.

Oh hang on, I think that one's true."

Really?  Jesus... Dumb bastard.

it's no coincidence that this is 2012 and Jeff is singing with the beach boys,that's a sign that the world IS ending dec 21st,maybe HE'S the one that's going to end it...or maybe he's an alien from another planet,a shape shifter...

Jeff Foskett is force-feeding Brian in order to appear more slender on stage in comparison.

I understand that he enjoys the music of Showaddywaddy.

Jeff Foskett was on a DIFFERENT episode of "Full House", where Uncle Jessie was writing a jingle for some company, Jeff was one of the singers that came by to sing the jingle. 




Oh wait, you said FICTIONAL!

Jeff Foskett never paid for drugs.  Not once.

Didn't Dirty Harry growl at a guy for putting ketchup on a hot dog?

What IS ok to put on a hot dog?

Dewie Cox references are always appreciated.  :rock

I heard from an insider that Jeff, not Mitt Romney is the real owner/operator of Bain Capital and that Mitt is just a front. And Jeff even goes behind Mitt's back and funnels Bain money into Rick Santorum's campaign. Jeff also has Dick Cheney's real (and iron black) heart hooked up to a life support machine at home and that he keeps it pumping so he can drink it's oil-like blood nightly to keep his power/position over Brian.

apologies to Jeff for highjacking his thread.......

As I understand, in New Yawk, it's okay to put MUSTARD on a hot dog, but never, Never, NEVER put: catsup/ketchup  on a hot dog.

Mustard on a hot dog is quite normal here in the UK. I tend to put all the available sauces on, especially the Encona hot chilli ones. Lovely.

This thread is making me want a hotdog!  ;D

I don't put any mustard or ketchup on, I eat my hotdogs naked.

;D

A few other points about Jeff:

1) He drinks his coca-cola from a RED can.

2) He often strips down butt-ass naked before he takes a shower.

3) He is supposedly a homosapien and has no problem with it.

4) He is known to have practiced celibacy a long time ago.

5) He refuses to send detailed text messages while he is driving.

And most absurd:

6) He quietly accepted my friendship request on Facebook which means at some point I will have to wish him a "Happy Birthday, Jeff!" even if I have a cramp in one of my hands. What a bastard!

Jeff Foskett is the only being on the planet and in the history of organic life to have pistol-whipped Bruce Johnston.

Wish I had your flexibility, son.

Hee Heeeeeeeeee!   Good 'un, Bill.   ;D

 :lol

Foskett once claimed to The Beach Boys, his longstanding prisoners and drug mules, that he was in fact a genius too.

Foskett is one of the worlds most in demand soundmen, two recent jobs including the 2012 Grammys and the 50th Anniversary of Dodger Stadium.

Jeff is biologically unable to dance.

 :lol :lol :lol

There is a rumour that Jeff threatened the sound engineer at the 2012 Grammys with torture (involving two weeks of 24/7 loud exposure to the moog bass riff of Ding Dang/Shortening Bread) if he did not make Jeff's mike louder than Brian for the TV broadcast.

Apparently Jeff is a confirmed creationist. This means that he does not eat babies for breakfast like us normal atheists/non-believers/agnostics. The question is therefore; what do you eat Jeff? I assume it's much worse.

That's easy. He eats atheists!

1. Once, Foskett took Brian Wilson's hand and placed it on a hot stove. "My bad, Brian. I thought that was the pancake batter. I guess the ringing in my ears from your horrible falsetto has left me dazed and confused."

2. Foskett always buys pants for Brian every Christmas. The catch? They're always quite purposefully a size or two too small around the waist. Brian can't button them but is forced to wear them to stop Foskett from boiling over with rage at Brian's ingratitude. "Those pants look a little tight around the waist Brian. I'm glad you like them."

3. Another time, Foskett put hot sauce in Brian's shaving cream. While this turned out to have no effect on Brian's normal shaving routine, the sentiment behind it was not appreciated in the slightest. "Melinda... when did we get red shaving cream?" Melinda, rolling her eyes: "Oh, Foskett..."

4. Foskett bought Brian a giant birthday cake. The catch? It wasn't a real cake, with Foskett popping out of it to sing in his falsetto for three hours straight. "Farmer's daughter, farmer's daughter, farmer's daughter," he went on and on. "RememberwhenIwasageniusandmadethistheoutroofaGerswhinsong? Farmer's daughter, farmer's daughter...."

5. Sometimes, Foskett puts raw salmon down his pants for no discernible reason.

Jeff Foskett runs his own mint, printing millions of dollars and secretly putting them into general circulation, and therefore ruining the value of the dollar and by extension the US economy, making the population poorer and miserable. When questioned why, he replied 'I heard money could bring you happiness. I hate happiness.'

Jeff Foskett is Quantitative Easing.

Abraham Lincoln was allergic to walnuts.

Jeffrey Foskett raped my grandmother.

He framed Roger Rabbit.

He scissor-kicked Angela Lansbury.

I had to let him "strum" my wife before he'd let me behind the curtain to get an autograph from Brian. That's what he called it..."strumming"....

He smashes every copy of "The Beach Boys Love You" that he sees.

He called me a "gaylord" for liking MIU.

He stole David Leaf's collection of Franklin Mint Star Wars collector's plates.

He forced Taylor Mills at gunpoint to massage his prostate.

He told Melinda to fire Bob Lizik after he msitakenly ate Jeff's hoagie.

He maintains his falsetto by having an Asian dwarf pummel his scrotum twice a week.

That could be a t-shirt.

Give me a couple weeks on that.

I'll wear it to the concert this summer.

That's how you make a tour DVD.

P.S. Mad props for your nick name, by the way.

Foskett prolly thought up the nick name too

Jeff Foskett told George Lucas that Greedo should shoot first.

You know that girl you asked out, but they rejected you? Jeff Foskett told them to do it.

THIS IS THE BASTARD THAT MIXED " HERE SHE COMES". BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  PHASE CANCELLATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   THE UNHEARD SONIC DISORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS ALSO THE GUY THAT WAS TALKING ON THE BEACH BOYS LIVE ALBUM FROM THE EARLY 70's  THAT MADE CARL SAY "SHUTUP YOU GUYS!". EEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


mustard? arent they standard on Chicago hot dogs?  Daddy, where am I? 

hahahahahahaahahaahaha

Jeff also created/conceived Jar Jar Binks and blackmailed Lucas (with pictures/videos of an undisclosed nature) into working him in the Star Wars prequels!

Jeff Foskett picked Dick Clark, Levon Helm and Robin Gibb in his office deadpool this year.

Jeff forced Mike Love at gunpoint to make country love (Mike was shot in the foot during the making of wrinkles when he refused to sing it)

You know that t-shirt you love, but you don't know where it's gone? Jeff Foskett has it.

Jeff Foskett is The Web Sheriff.

Jeff Foskett personally bankrolled Titanic 3D.

It is said that the young George Washington could not tell a lie. Jeffrey Foskett cannot tell the truth.

The now stratospheric prices for Premiership footballers is down to each team having to outbid Jeff Foskett.

Jeff Foskett rolls his cigars with the folio editions of Loves Labour's Won and The History of Cardenio.

He also picks his teeth with the bones of Jimmy Hoffa.

Jeff Foskett is the man behind every single RIP hoax on Twitter.

The Human Centipede III is rumoured to be based closely upon the life of Jeff Foskett.

Every single terrible 80's 'comeback' album by a 60's pop artist was made on the advice of Jeff Foskett.

Jeff Foskett owns the copyright to every single national anthem. He earns millions every day in royalties.

Another of his favourite past-times involves driving through the desert and slashing the tires of any vehicle he finds there.

The toilet in his guest bathroom has an ejector seat triggered by the sound of pooping.

Jeff Foskett was Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon's marriage counsellor.

To quote Wikipedia:

"Aside from the Beach Boys and Brian Wilson, Foskett has toured and recorded (and currently works) with many other luminaries in the music industry such as Paul McCartney, Heart, Roger McGuinn, Roy Orbison, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, Ringo Starr, Chicago, The Moody Blues, The Everly Brothers, Christopher Cross and America to name a few. He has also been an occasional member of the surf-rock group Papa Doo Run Run since 1993 and continues to record his original music with New Surf, LTD label mate Jeff Larson, among others.

Along with his many solo projects, Jeff is a huge supporter of The Carl Wilson Foundation ( www.carlwilsonfoundation.org ). Foskett mainly tours and records as Musical Director for Beach Boys founder Brian Wilson. Foskett appears as a guitarist / vocalist / (arranger) on all of Brian Wilson's solo material including the Grammy-winning 2004 version of Smile. He can be seen (and heard) on HEART's DVD Dreamboat Annie Live concert singing back ground vocals. He also produces other artists including Harry Shearer of Spinal Tap and Micky Dolenz of The Monkees. Jeff has earned over 40 Gold and Platinum Record awards and a Grammy. He shadowed Brian WIlson on the lead for Good Vibrations on the 2012 Grammys salute to the Beach Boys' 50th Anniversary."

Anybody else on this message board in the same league? Alright then...

 :P

Dr landy was just a patsy, Foskett was the brains

Jeff employs people to scour message boards, and try to stop anyone less successful than he is criticising  him.

Jeff stole my Thundercats shirt? But why??  :-[ It was even too tight for me...

Then he is a "stupid batman choo choo doo-doo fart"!

 

Jeff is the reason C50 ended, he burned Mike's hat collection when Mike wanted to go back to M&B.

Jeff puts his skid marks in my underwear.

Who is more evil, Jeffrey Foskett, or MikeBruce?

O, thread of mine!

What the sh*t was I thinking

Jeff Foskett put the horsemeat in my gasoline and blamed it on Scott Totten.

Foskett introduced Whitney Houston to cocaine, one fateful night on the sunset strip.

Foskett preaches Austerity economics wherever he goes, but hopefully it won't catch on

Foskett demanded he be louder than every other Beach Boy on his 80s tours, thereby instigating the so called 'loudness war' that has plagued modern music inadvertently

Jeffery sold Montana to the Chinese.

Jeff Foskett started this thread...

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!  This is a good one!

This one is still my favorite and makes me laugh every time!

Brian Wilson's List (I messaged him on Facebook)

Foskett? Yeah, he's done some bad stuff.

1. Foskett never once paid for steak. Never.
2. Always tells Melinda when I eat more than one cookie backstage.
3. Sneaks in the backyard, uses his falsetto to encourage my 20 dogs to howl late at night when I'm sleeping.
4. Thinks "Roller Skating Child" sucks.
5. Caught him looking at my daughter's nudes in Playboy on the tour bus. I was just looking for the remote.
6. Plays "Sumahama" backwards at full volume for an hour before shows. Says it gets him the mood.
7. Told me if I ever leave him he will track me down.
8. Doesn't always sing like an angel.

That's about it. Ok, bye.

L&M

Replaces all known Brian falsetto recordings with his own to establish greater continuity with The Beach Boys currently promoted album, That's Why God Made The Radio.

Hm. This MUST be the reason the MiC box has been postponed for so long - just imaging having to replace all those falsettos on some 180 songs, without anyone noticing it. He's doing this in the night time. So he must walk around like a zombie in broad day light, all bleary eyed. Any sightings?

At any rate: Puggal, we have a winner here.

1.Owning a screeching falsetto that sounds like Frankie Valli having his balls being backed over by a steamroller.
2. Being a fat turd who shouts at fans for taking photos of Brian during gigs.

.....Oh wait, you said fictional crimes.

.

Bob may have shot the sheriff, but it was Jeff that shot the deputy.

Dennis Wilson claimed to have been raped by Jeffrey Foskett on multiple occasions, and by a gang of Fosketts at least once.

Ha ha! That's funny because monotheism is by its very nature intolerent. Not like being "wimpish" and respectful of each other. What good would that do? I'm glad this board isn't like that!

.

People, people, this is not the thread for inventing baseless slander about Mike Love. We have every other thread on the board for that. This thread is the lone outpost for exposing the real villain in this deplorable tale, one Jeffrey Foskett.

I mean, Jeff Foskett is against gay marriage. When pressed to explain his position, he clarified it by saying 'Now look, I'm not a homophobe, I just think no-one, regardless of race, creed, or sexuality, should be able to marry.'

.

.

Jeff Foskett is a puppet. He's not human. And Brian Wilson is a fantastic ventriloquist, albeit that the slightly falling corner of his mouth betrays what he's up to all of the time.

Not many people know this.

Bri just is very shy of the center spotlight, that's why he conceived this superb deception.

.

.

Brian's vacant stares onstage are not to do with his illness. It's because Jeff has fed his autocue through Google Translate first into Arabic then back into English. Brian has not retreated in on himself, he is merely trying to make sense of this

Tour Tour Wrap
I wrap
Yes
Wrap round round I wrap
I wrap
Wrap round round I wrap
From one city to another
Wrap round round I wrap
Im a real head cold
Wrap round round I wrap
Im McCain a real good bread

Bugged im gettin driving up and down the same old sector
I gotta finda new place where hip kids

My friends are getting real data known
Yes, the bad guys know us and they leave us alone

I wrap
Wrap round round I wrap
From one city to another
Wrap round round I wrap
Im a real head cold
Wrap round round I wrap
Im McCain a real good bread
Wrap round round I wrap
I wrap
Tour
Wrap Tour Tour OOOO
Wah Wa OOO
Wah Wa OOO
Wah Wa OOO

We always take the reason my car has never been won
And weve missed yet never with the girls we meet

Any of the men go steady cause it would not be right
To leave their best girl home now on Saturday night

I wrap
Wrap round round I wrap
From one city to another
Wrap round round I wrap
Im a real head cold
Wrap round round I wrap
Im McCain a real good bread
Wrap round round I wrap
I wrap
Tour
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

 :)

:lol

8)

 True

Anyone heard any news? Must be soon…